Rae Willingham

This face is a picture perfect personification of my week. I am done. Put a fork in moi done.

And not in a down and out, woe is my kinda way; but in a very compassionate exhale sorta one.
I’ve got nothing more to give and insular is exactly where I need to be right now.
There’s no energy for new and change and forward, and that is a revolutionary awareness given the culture in which we live.

We’re told to forge ahead.
We’re told to be grateful for what we have.
To be reflective of the people that have it worse.
To keep peepers on prizes.

And absolutely of course yes.
There is little to be gained from throwing a pity party.
But there is everything to be gained from meeting yourself where you’re at.

And this is where I’m at.

I’m exhausted from all of the lessons that life keeps throwing my way; grateful for the growth, but also spent.

And so I’m putting a pin in trying to create change, and just being where I’m at for the next little bit.
Still doing the do, just with less push behind it.

Women have overridden their need to replenish for far too long, and I refuse to acquiesce to a system that would have me depleted as a homeostasis point.

This is an invitation for anyone who just needs to take this afternoon, this week, this month to just plod.

Plod is good.

Because no one wins when the candle wick fires meet. X

A love letter to all of you struggling to exercise (from a women struggling to exercise).

It’s hard.
It’s super bloody awfully hard to get it done before it’s done.
Before the habits are built, and the routine is formed, and the brain acts out of subconscious drive, and not the force of conscious push.

It’s easy to see the women who do it easily and think it’s easeful. For them it is. Now. Now that they’ve mounted the mountain.
They too found it hard, or perhaps they didn’t, perhaps their path was different to yours.
Whether they did or didn’t is irrelevant though right, because it’s not you against them; it’s you against you, always has been.
Which means that there’s no one to blame, because shame is a useless emotion when it brings you down.
There’s no point adding more murk to already murky waters.

Today I ran. It’s been a long time since I did. I haven’t had the drive too, and in all honesty, I don’t know whether I will again; and that’s sometimes the thing that stops us isn’t it?
If it’s not going to happen consistently enough to make changes, what’s the point?
If I’m only going to slip back into old habits which don’t move the needle, why bother?
What’s the point, I’ll never stick it out.

And maybe you/I won’t.
Maybe this will be a one time thing.
Maybe that’s all I’ll get.

And good golly that feels good enough for me.
The presence of it right?
Of knowing that in this moment; I did.
I did it. I proved to myself that I could, so that old chestnut excuse is well and truly roasted into dust.

I/you can, because I/you did.
You/I did it.
And I can do it again.

There’s nothing worse than feeling rooted into ground that doesn’t nourish you.
The slow decay of survival is insipid and insidious and not true.

We didn’t come here to drudge through our days, and I know it’s hard. I know it’s hard.
But when you’re ready, if you’re ready, with no pressure at all to be ready.
I’m cheering you on.
I’m letting you know that you can; even if it feels impossible now.

Change is intrinsic.
Growth is a given.
Joy shrouds it all.

Your life is a canvas.
Paint x