Life with Fawn

Three weeks with a new bean. Sleep is about as good as it was the first time, but my brain is dealing with it better. Breastfeeding is less tiring than it was last time; mostly I’m just struggling with it being every couple of hours and then trying to pump so that I might be able to do stuff outside of the house by myself.

Aside from that I am so happy it’s spring, the days are longer and so is the light.

Things I’ve been thinking about in the daze:

- he’s so cute. Wow, so long and that was made of and housed by me!!
- how amazing sound is… these babies will eventually hear what it sounds like to run beside barnacles on large ocean rocks and hear them and their tiny crowdlike cheering, to hear the creaks that sound like floors and stairs in old character homes of logs and trees in a forest, the rustle, thump, and sway of wheat stocks in the wind beside and against each other.
- how to incorporate all my “motherhood” feelings and iconography into my art somehow



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Last full free-ish day before the next smoosh and our caccoon together. We are nearing the meet cute 🌾

I’ve been writing all these other captions these days that are more depressing than not so I don’t post them. It is part of the human experience to go through all of many small heart breaks, missed opportunities, ad sacrifices and even as an artist I am afraid to share because although an “everything will be okay”, may make you feel better, it does not for me. The issue is that I don’t know what will make me feel better. I leap from slippery stone to slippery stone the last two years to only flail my arms in protest to falling under. There are situational aspects to it, but so much of it feels mental. I never want to be fake about where I am in life, and yet I also don’t want anyone to see me as a bleak ember of potential that whisps in and out with an indivisible wind. It is all duality. Even the perception people want you to have of them. I am here, wishing to be present fully, healthy with my boys & and I am there wishing to be fully encased in creating art and having people enjoy me and it. Aspirational & content.

Sunday Scaries

My little goose is going to have to share the apple spot in my eye come Feb/March 2026. ❤️ 🍎 💚 🍏

For this I am so excited. Eli has always been so social while still being very attached to me, and I just wanted to give him a buddy. It will be my last baby, and even through my hard I will remember it’s just a season. Then there will be two boys who are besties and their artist mum. 💕

Another along a long list of reasons why painting has not been very easy to get to 🌸 I hoped to take a cute bump & Eli photo of myself but alas I am not that organized and aesthetic atm