Zeus the Pomsky

Dog parents life 😂

It started with a knock on the door…

Some guy showed up.
“Hi ma’am, I’m here to check the meter.”

METER??

My ears went up like WiFi bars finding signal.

Because in my world?

Meter = Meat-er 🍖

Snack-o-meter 🍗

Crunch-o-meter 🦴

Calories entering my soul per second 📈

So obviously…
This was serious business.

I immediately told Mom:
“I need to go p*e.”

Did I need to p*e?
No.

I needed surveillance access.

I jumped on the trampoline—

BOING.
BOING.
TACTICAL LAUNCH.

Next thing you know…
I’m OUTSIDE.

The guy saw me mid-air.

His face lit up.

Not with joy.
With pure survival instinct.

In dog language, he said:
“OH YOU WANNA PLAY CATCH ME IF YOU CAN + KNOCKDOWN MODE??”

And I was like—Say less.

He dropped everything.

Meter? Gone.
Clipboard? Gone.
Dignity? GONE.

And took off running.

So obviously… I started chasing him.

Mom heard screaming.

Not regular screaming.
“I regret my career choices” screaming.

She didn’t even ask questions.
She just started running too.

Because at this point?
We are a team.

First—He threw one shoe.

Now he’s running with:

• One shoe
• One sock

I respected the effort.
Still chased him.

Then he threw his cap.

Sir.

This is not Mario Kart.
You cannot drop items to slow me down.

He ran toward the trail by the pond.

Now listen…It had rained.

Which means:

MUD.
SLIP.
FREE ENTERTAINMENT.

I gotta admit…

He was running like:

A deer

Being chased by

A lion

Who just had pre-workout.

And then—
BOOM.

He slipped.
And went STRAIGHT into the pond.

Now THIS pond?

According to Mom:
“Disgusting. Don’t go near it.”

But today?
God opened a door.

So I jumped in.
To save him.

Obviously.
Hero behavior.

Except…
I landed ON him.

Now we BOTH drowning in:

• Mud

• Mystery water

• Regret

He started screaming.
So I started howling.

Because I thought—
Oh… this is a group activity.

Mom finally showed up.

Out of breath.
Barefoot.
Hair looking like she fought a tornado.

She threw a buoy.

This man grabbed it—

DIDN’T SAY THANK YOU—AND RAN.

So I did what any hero would do.

I LAUNCHED.
Full sprint.

NFL COMBINE ENERGY.

Straight into Mom.
BOOM.

And sent her…
Right into the pond.

Now we all in there.

A full family bonding moment.

Plus one guest.

This guy climbed out looking like:

A sea clown.
Mud. Water. Trauma.

He ran to his van and disappeared like:
This was never his job.

Meanwhile…
Mom climbed out.

Covered in mud.

Looking at me like:
“You will pay for this.”

And me?

I was tired.
Hungry.
Emotionally fulfilled.

So I casually walked back inside.
Through the open door.

Mom screamed:
“STOP YOU DIRTY—”

Too late.

The brand new white carpet?
Delivered yesterday.

Now?

Modern art.
Paw prints everywhere.

Abstract.
Emotional.
Expensive.

I looked at Mom.
She looked at the carpet.

I licked my paw… casually.
You’re welcome.

I checked the meter.
Snacks are still low.

Oops 😬

It started as a peaceful morning.

Birds chirping.
Sun shining.
Neighborhood calm.

I handled my usual responsibilities like a professional:

Security patrol.
Fence inspection.
Suspicious squirrel surveillance.

Everything… under control.

But by evening…
The universe said:
“Let’s ruin the peace of this family.”

Mom and Dad came home from work.
Tired. Peaceful.

Sitting down with coffee like two people who clearly don’t know what’s coming.

And then—

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.

Not one knock.

A series.

Like the Avengers…
but angrier and older.

Mom opens the door…

And there they are.
10–12 neighbors.

Standing like an HOA tribunal.

Judging.
Whispering.
Holding… evidence.

And then it started.

“Your dog…”

“Your dog came into my house…”

“Your dog stole my—”

Ma’am.
ALLEGEDLY.

Mom turns slowly.
That look.

The kind that makes your soul leave your body and apologize in advance.

One neighbor goes:
“If you don’t keep him contained, we’ll be forced to take action.”

Take action??
Like what?
Witness protection program??

BUT IT GETS WORSE.

One neighbor pulls out their phone.
Security footage.

Clear.
HD.
4K betrayal.

There I am…
Sliding through a cat door like a furry criminal.

No hesitation.
No fear.

Mission: theft.

I enter.
Scan the room.
Lock eyes with Grandma.
She gasps.

Grandma squints…
Her eyesight not exactly premium.

IS THAT A RACCOON???”

I grab the item…
And then—

ZOOOOM.

Fake left.
Spin move.
Full NFL juke.

Grandma did a slow-motion turn
like Windows 95 buffering.

I escape.
Clean.
Professional.

Mom is silent.
Dangerous level of silent.

Then it clicks.
She remembers the fence.

A tiny cut.
A “harmless” gap.
My secret portal.

Then she remembers something else…
Weeks ago…

She found random items in a hole I dug.
At the time she thought:

“Hmm… must be neighborhood weirdness.”
Or maybe…
“Someone is losing their mind.”

Nope.
It was me.
Running a black market operation.

My collection included:

• 3 pairs of “not Dad’s” underwear (we’re still not asking questions)
• One elderly neighbor’s false teeth (still smiling at me… aggressively)
• A TV remote that controls absolutely nothing in our house
• Two flip-flops… from two different neighbors (I like variety)
• A half-eaten rotisserie chicken (I regret nothing)
• A single croc (the other one is missing… and I’m not cooperating)
• One sock. Just one. (this is psychological warfare)
• A garden gnome hat (I was going through something… spiritually)
• A mail envelope labeled “IMPORTANT” (it wasn’t anymore)
• And a bra that caused Mom to question her entire marriage

Everything… half-chewed.
Some items?
Emotionally destroyed.

Mom stood there…
Holding my crimes.
One by one.
Like evidence in a courtroom.

Now the hole is gone.
The fence is fixed.
My operations… shut down.

Mom is going door to door…
returning stolen goods…
while I watch from the window like a misunderstood entrepreneur.

I am now…
Banned. Restricted. Monitored.

Neighborhood status:

🚨 Most Wanted
🚨 Do Not Trust
🚨 Will steal again

But here’s the thing…

They fixed the fence.
They closed the hole.
They think…

it’s over.

Meanwhile…
I’m sitting quietly…

Studying the new layout…
Timing the neighbor schedules…

Because amateurs fix fences.
Professionals… upgrade strategy.

Hello Aunty 😂