Daniel Wu Coaching

A reflection on Service.

For a lot of my life, my work wasn't service. Although I was in the service industry (Personal training and healthy meal delivery), the heart of service wasn't there. And although there was success and money. A life created for yourself isn't a great life, I always felt like something was missing, and I would try to fill that void with more stuff, more money. I remember having everything I thought I had wanted but feeling empty.

I started to self-sabotage, procrastinate, attend endless parties and travel to find myself. I squandered money on distraction and self-indulgence. And lost a lot of clients and businesses that I had previously worked tirelessly to build.

After months/years of this, I took time off to be in solitude. In that experience, I remembered a moment from childhood. As a child, I wanted to connect and make people happy. I remember having a friend who came to school sad, and all I wanted to do was make her happy. I didn't care what I said or how I looked, or what I got. All I wanted to do was see a smile on her face, ease her suffering and bring her back to her joy. It was an incredible experience to reconnect with this.

So armed with my 7-year-old kid coaching skills, I said, "You're cute." Now, calling someone cute was a big no-no in primary school. Because if you did, that meant you loved them.
I found this out the hard way because later on, other kids would ask me whether or not I was in love with so and so? 😂 I just called her cute because my family called me cute, and it always put a smile on her face. Or maybe I did love her? I dunno...

Anyway, she immediately snapped out of her sadness (shocked) but then brightened up with, "OMG, that's what my mom says to me!"

Her smile meant the world to me. And, I remember after that experience looking for situations or moments where I could make other people happy just through a smile and a word of affirmation.

This remembrance shattered my reality at the time because I realized who I really was and that somewhere down the line, through my experiences and my own negative interpretation of those experiences.

I locked/masked it all up.

Continued 👇

When Christine and I came into our relationship, we had gone through many painful experiences.

Although we were attracted to each other and did fun activities, we were pretty cynical and adamant about protecting ourselves because we'd both been burnt in the past.

We put our best face on and avoided confrontation, but there was a lot of blame and gossip in the background. We'd listen to the advice of others instead of talking it out ourselves.
We played to protect ourselves and win.

"When it comes to relationships, if you're playing to win, you've already lost." Michael Neill

Over the years, we've faced lots of struggles, taken breaks, wanted to call it quits but somehow managed to work at it and stay together. We've done a lot of deep work to heal our own traumas, release emotions, forgive ourselves, each other and how we mistreated others.

Much peace, mutual trust, and agreement/commitment are present as we've grown. Far gone is the cynicism of relationships. We're not afraid to be ourselves, and relationships are no longer a place to win or get but really a place to give.

We've dropped a lot of expectations of each other and worked at taking ownership of our own thoughts and emotions. And consciously work at deep communication and understanding towards each other. Which isn't always easy, but you get better as you go.

Falling into the relationship comfort zone is common because life gets in the way, which has happened to us many times. Our own internal struggles, work/busyness, kids, hobbies, pets, etc.

We've realised that building a great relationship is a constant commitment. To create, you need to put energy and focus. As the great Steve Hardison says, "What you focus on grows" and "React and Create have the same words but create has an extra E, and that stands for energy".

Without committed energy, the relationship fades, and people grow apart.

And yet, a great relationship is fundamental to a great life. If we have everything in the world and no one to intimately share it with. We're missing out.

👇Continued.