The Riess Family Adoption

Abusers don’t rely on violence to maintain control.
They rely on loyalty.

Not earned loyalty.
Enforced loyalty.

The kind that’s installed early and reinforced quietly:
Don’t embarrass the family.
Don’t make things worse.
Don’t take sides.
Don’t air private matters.

Loyalty becomes the rule that overrides reality.

In these systems, harm isn’t denied —
it’s managed.

Managed through silence.
Managed through minimising.
Managed through pressure to “be the bigger person.”
Managed through fear of being the one who breaks ranks.

This is why the truth-teller becomes the threat.

Because once someone stops being loyal to the story,
the entire structure destabilises.

Enablers aren’t protecting the abuser.
They’re protecting the system that protects them —
the roles, the belonging, the moral cover.

Loyalty keeps their hands clean.
Silence keeps their conscience intact.
Distance keeps them from having to choose.

And when you leave,
they don’t mourn the relationship.
They panic about exposure.

“You’ve changed.”
“You’re tearing the family apart.”
“You’re unforgiving.”
“You think you’re better than us.”

Those aren’t accusations.
They’re containment strategies.

Because in abusive systems,
loyalty is never about love.
It’s about control without accountability.

Real loyalty can survive truth.
Weaponized loyalty cannot.

That’s why your boundaries feel like betrayal to them.
That’s why your absence feels dangerous.
That’s why your clarity gets punished.

You didn’t abandon them.
You withdrew consent from a system that required your silence to function.

And once you see that,
you stop confusing guilt with wrongdoing.

💔 The Truth Changes Everything—But You Are Not Alone.❤️
He walked up to one of the top four DNA testing booths at RootsTech, sat down, and burst into tears.

He had just uncovered a life-altering truth—his father wasn’t genetically related to him. And in an instant, everything he thought he knew about himself shifted.
For years, he had identified as half Black and Hispanic, embracing his Black heritage as a core part of his identity. Now, he was being told he was actually half English and Hispanic. The foundation of his identity—the way he moved through the world, the way he saw himself—felt like it had been pulled out from under him.

Someone from the DNA company had just come by our booth, debating the right to know your genetic identity versus the privacy rights of parents. We discussed how truth matters—not just for medical history, but for mental health, for identity formation, for preventing accidental relationships between close relatives, and most importantly, for the well-being of the child. The child is the innocent bystander in their own conception. There is no comparison between their right to know and nondisclosure to protect a parent’s comfort or fear of judgment.

Now, sitting in front of them, was living proof of why this right matters. They knew exactly who he needed to talk to. They walked him over to us. At our booth, we listened, we hugged, we cried together. He truly understood that he was not alone.

And the person from the DNA company? They saw, firsthand, why truth and transparency are not optional—they are essential.

💡 This is why we do this work. 💡
Because the truth shouldn’t come as a shock.
Because no one should have to process an identity crisis alone.
Because every person deserves to know where they come from.

💬 Have you or someone you love experienced a DNA surprise? How did you process the emotions that came with it? Let’s talk.
🔗 Support truth and transparency—help us reach more people. Donate today. Every dollar helps bring this work to the places where it’s needed most.
https://donorbox.org/righttoknow


Ancestry 23andMe FamilyTreeDNA MyHeritage

New paper published today regarding impacts of DNA surprises (NPEs) similar to LDAs, such as me. Dr. Whitley emailed me today stating the next phase of this study is to create resources for people in this situation which is critical in these circumstances.

“I’m trying to figure out who the hell I am”: Examining the psychosocial and mental health experience of individuals learning “Not Parent Expected” news from a direct-to-consumer DNA ancestry test - BMC Psychiatry Background According to recent estimates, around 30 million people have taken Direct-to-Consumer DNA ancestry tests, typically marketed as a fun, harmless and exciting process of discovery. These tests estimate a user’s ethnic ancestry, also matching users with biological relations on their databa...

South Korean adoptees and families rocked by fraud allegations Peg Reif was among more than 120 people who contacted The Associated Press this fall, after a series of stories and a documentary made with Frontline exposed how South Korea created a baby pipeline, designed to ship children abroad as quickly as possible to meet Western demand.