The Edge - Self Development Group

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An article about where anxiety comes from. Dealing with this problem is one of the basic things we should start with. Anxieties are one of the main inhibitors to further growth.

Anxiety – A Short Contemplation

From a theological or spiritual view Martin Buber once stated ‘A person cannot approach the divine by reaching beyond the human. To become human, is what this individual person, has been created for’. In his seminal work, without any aim or preconceived ideas, two individuals truly meet.

This is through what he calls the I-Thou relation, as opposed to the I-it relation where there is some sort of an aim. Whilst both are important for dialogue, in this worldly existence, the purest meeting is with the I-Thou relation.

Then from a psychological stance there is the ‘paradoxical theory of change’. The paradoxical theory of change was first introduced into Gestalt therapy in 1970 in an article written by Arnold Beisser.

This theory is based on the principle that; Change does not take place through a coercive attempt by the individual or by another person to change him, but it does take place if one takes the time and effort to be what he is – to be fully invested in his current positions. By rejecting the role of change agent, we make meaningful and orderly change possible; Beisser (1970).

One may wonder why the writer of this short read decided to start with two different concepts on a subject so vast as anxiety. Vast, here meaning that for the most part anxiety touches all of humanity.

This can stem from simply being anxious about meeting that aspired romantic partner for the first time or to extremes as actual disorders. And it definitely cannot be explored in a 3 to 5 minute read in its actual depth and where it came from.

Indeed. where does anxiety come from? With that notion, one then can conceive that it comes from somewhere, i.e. it is not the root cause, but rather showing us that we are anxious of something, the same may be said on grief, it is a byproduct of something deeper. In reality you are not an anxious person but a manifestation of some story that made you anxious in various degrees.

If one had to delve further into Martin Buber’s work for the most part it is challenging to be in the I-thou state at all times. Once one starts to entertain his ideas we still engage in a I-it relations for the most and a large chunk of our lives; we pursue that romantic journey because something in us pulls us towards the other partner, and the reason for that is that there is an aim – one can imagine that it is love.

He suggests, like Thomas Merton in his book New Seeds of Contemplation, that we as humans can reach some form of divine nature, though another human alone and not through isolation and fantasies of something that is beyond our reach. Personally this is an interesting assumption, if I look at something that I cannot reach, then inevitably one of the symptoms may be anxiety. According to his work the purest connection is without the ‘intention’, the collapsing of the ego per se.

Fair enough, their philosophy does sounds intriguing, however can we do this today, well not for me at least, this has not been my experience. Can it be more in our life, yes it can, however through practice. Is it challenging?

Yes, definitely, if you are anything like me, I get in the way all the time. ‘I’ here meaning my intentions and desires that I believe would suite me for the most part with good intention. To get in the way is natural and is also legitimate to aspire, however it does create anxiety if we are fully focused on ‘I’. In a nutshell the more we practice the I-thou, i.e. get myself out of the way , the more we see the other person or the situation for what it is.

The more we drop the expectations the less the intention and the less intention the more you are relaxed and are just being in the moment. Did I achieve this? Yes, but by a long shot and it is never constant, mere brief moments at a time, more like seconds. Furthermore, its more like, I am living in the I-it relation but less then I was decades ago, and I have not even scratched the surface because its somewhat of a less then before and more then before in the I-thou.

Then we have the paradox of change. We do not wish to be anxious or for that matter anything in life that we believe we don’t like about ourselves. Simply put, Beisser suggests to fully accept who you are in any given moment. I always wanted and still want to have change, achieve more, do more, aspire to more in different aspects of my life. This is also natural and legitimate for a human being.

However this also breeds anxiety in our lives from time to time. What is being suggested here in this theory is to fully accept who you are or what is happening in your life. Certainly, that is a bit of a tough pill to swallow, especially if you ever had your life fall to pieces. Remember, the key word is to truly ‘accept’, by no means am I entertaining the idea of giving up, neither is the author of the theory.

Furthermore, ‘acceptance’ of one part of your self and/or situation is not an easy feat. At times it requires great courage and guidance. I have been blessed to meet some interesting people in my life that instilled that in my very hard headed brain and what I found was that the more I accepted certain aspects of myself or situations, they indeed did collapse. Was this achieved from one day to the next, in my experience definitely not and I do not believe it will ever stop, aspects or situations that we wish to change, transform or adapt. This being said, the more I accept, the less anxious I was towards certain things or situations.
Scientifically this is all because of our mirror neurones.

Another subject for another day, but in short, the more we start to practice acceptance and get ourselves out of the way, the more our nervous system relaxes. The more our nervous system habitually mirrors our way of relating to ourselves and the world or situation at hand. More anxiety may breed more of that in other situations, in contrast then, the more relaxing our state the more we habitually relate to ourselves and situations in our life with less anxiety.

Please note that the above is not an exhaustive explanation or contemplation on the subject at hand, i.e., anxiety, 'ego’, ‘acceptance’, ‘mirror neurons’ and many other notions mentioned above but merely a grain of sand towards the subject. In fact, one can read volumes on the ‘paradoxical theory of change’ alone.

The Edge group will return to these subject and others concurrently with articles and workshops that will delve deeper into their full understanding and most importantly how to actually put it into practice with simple but well defined techniques from different teachers around the globe. For the moment, the two theories may suffice as an opening of sorts to their meaning and reason.

To conclude, you may look at it like a dance between the two, getting yourself, the ‘I’ more out of the way then not and accepting more, may lead to less stress which may give opportunity to less anxiety or none for that matter. This also applies to traumatic experiences, which we all have gone through. This can take time, in my experience, it has and it is still there, but less because I was blessed to have met great individuals that gave me seeds to inject into my daily life, whenever I can remember.

Those same individuals that you, the reader, will have the opportunity to meet through the Edge workshops that are coming soon. That is up to your degree of curiosity, should you wish to find out if these ideas rekindle your spirit, whist still living your life, but this time, from time to time with brief contemplation that may bear fruit to less anxiety and maybe none.

The Edge Team
Self Development Group

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To be Curious or Not to be Curious – Who is the Edge Self Development Group?

The Edge Self-development group is designed to create an atmosphere of learning and personal development from some of the greatest minds and thinkers across the world. The team here at the Edge is dedicated to create a space upon which individuals can share, read articles of interest and attend workshops anywhere in the world.

However, the most important initiative for us is to foster and entertain the idea of ‘question everything’, question the teachers, question the topics, question the ideas and of course ourselves until you reach a point where something resonates with you. Something that you can use in your daily life, either for personal or professional growth.

Picture this, in a sense, if you remember, as children we may be classed in two categories – the believers listening to authority without question and the none believers, well - the rule breaking monkeys.

At the Edge we suggest none of the two – let’s say for example if you remember, your mother telling you not to touch the iron as it is too hot. There are those that will not question their mother, i.e., the authority or belief system, and those that will touch the iron in some sort of childlike rebellion.

Well, two scenarios really – one got burnt and the other stayed with a belief system – we can all go home now. But wait!... how about we start to foster the nature of the curious child - question your mother, i.e. belief system, in the context of moving your hand closer to the iron, neither negating nor being to impulsive.

More often than not in this story you will find that your mother has a certain truth, the iron is hot. However, this time you experimented it for yourself, moving beyond a so called authority or norm (no pun intended to mothers of the world here) and on the other spectrum you will not be too impulsive to shrug off important information for the betterment of your hand.

However, the curious child, the third option would be to experiment and examine, see if that truth fits the reality for you at that particular time of your journey in life. What if, for example, the husband turned off the iron by trying to fix something in the house, if you did not examine, you would have not known.

Please note that the Edge will delve into deeper and far more interesting subject then the state of an iron or your hand or our mothers – but then again, we do not want to get burnt right?

What we are suggesting here is to be curious for yourself to develop the sense of self-regulation that may lead to self-realisation which may encourage you to move beyond limitations and norms even if they may appear to be the truth in someone else’s conception – however this time round you did the examination and found the ‘truth’ for yourself.

One can assume that the idea of this group sprung from the founding members just a couple of months ago, however, in truth, this developed over decades of experimenting per se. What we mean hear is this, whilst still on the journey, the members of the group over the years attended numerous self-development workshops, studied, read, contemplated, and met great minds, inevitably led to the manifestation of a self-development group called the Edge.

Over the past two decades we have met outstanding individuals that serviced human beings with different methods and techniques for the betterment of personal development. Key words here, ‘personal development’ - we are not here to change the world, the world will keep going with or without the Edge – hence we are here for the betterment of your ‘personal development’ and not the betterment of the world per se.

We will leave room for someone else to save the world, we are more than trilled just to touch one heart at a time. In essence you can call us torch bearers that are still in the game of life, still learning, still developing, but this time passing on what we come across that may seem valuable to others, to you, the reader. Yes - you, the reader and remember, question everything, be that curious child, be at the edge of that reality that is true for you and your journey!

The founding members of this group, have decades of knowledge in philosophy, psychology, spirituality, theology, commerce and business – injected through academic education and life experience. One of the founders is a successful owner of a lucrative business and another long history in academic psychology and spirituality, others in their personal and professional lives.

Like everyone in life, all the founding members had success and joy, however, like everyone in this world for the most part they too passed through challenging and traumatic experiences – all good, they came out alive – well for now at least. This being said, here at the Edge, our life stories and their challenges conjured the meeting of some exceptional human beings that gave us lessons, techniques and real measurable methods on how to overcome our challenges and into deeper self-development.

Teachers and mentors from all walk of life in fields of philosophy and it’s different schools of thought, psychology and its different theories, spirituality and its area of different concepts of, well – ‘what is this all about, really?’, theology, economics and business leaders. They have met some self-proclaimed gurus that did not amount to much and a few that really fit the bill per se.

Therefore, as stated in our entry of this short read, the Edge will facilitate workshops by inviting these exceptional individuals to facilitate workshops all around the worlds. Teachers of different school of thought and methods that have touched the lives of so many people for decades. Furthermore, the Edge will facilitate a platform by sharing ideas and concepts though articles and forums by cultivating a safe space that anyone can utilise for whatever they need in their journey. Either to better themselves or break through any challenges you may be going though at this stage of your journey.

To conclude, we hope to see you in our workshops and forums and we will leave you with this statement from Albert Einstein that we believe paints an intelligent picture of – ‘be curious’

“Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.”

The Edge

Self Development Group