Integrative Therapy Malta

People in general are very good at finding new and creative ways to self-sabotage. And you don't have to look too far to see this. We mostly learn self-betrayal habits in relationships, growing up. In order to keep people in our lives and constantly keep others happy, we understand that we need to sacrifice most of our needs.
In other words, as we desperately try to get people's approval, acceptance and get closer to them, the more we distance from ourselves.
The more we want others to like us, the less connected we'll be to our authentic emotions, needs, interests, thoughts.

But just as we're good at self-betrayal and self-sabotage, we are equally capable of being gentle, comforting and kind to ourselves.
We want to foster more self-compassion, so that we can grow a loving attitude towards ourselves, rather than self-betrayal. We want to start speaking to ourselves in ways that are supportive, caring and encouraging. We want to learn how to sooth and comfort ourselves when we’re hurting, rather than being judgmental and constantly shaming ourselves for being vulnerable or hurt.

Start paying attention to the ways in which you're betraying yourself.

"I don't have needs; everyone needs me".
People who have experienced developmental trauma might feel ashamed of their own needs and find it almost impossible to identify them.

Instead, they learn to be very perceptive of other people's needs, which becomes a big part of their life — constantly attuning to others' needs instead of their own. They give to others what they would need for themselves.

As children we might have feared that: "If I express my needs, I will be rejected or abandoned."
As adults, we tend to be around people who will not meet our needs, thus reinforcing our belief that expressing or even having needs is pointless.

It's our responsibility as adults to re-connect with our own needs, and understand that the more we ignore and neglect them, the more frustrated, angry and resentful we'll live.
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Many people who have experienced trauma use denial to negate the reality of their life experience.
Denial is a defence mechanism and can cause a disconnection from our own bodies, sensations, emotions and even memories.

Positive thinking is often the clearest sign of living in denial. Many believe that thinking makes it so, but the truth of the matter is that reality always wins.

The purpose of this defense mechanism is to blind you with optimism so that you can move forward without the heaviness of reality.

The more we avoid feeling our anxieties, fears, pains and sufferings, by surrounding ourselves with positive thinking, the more disconnected and split we'll feel.

When reality is telling you something that conflicts with your own beliefs, it’s time to practice introspection, seek inside yourself and face what you discover.

Staying positive is good, but staying grounded is even more important — this will help you integrate a healthy self-image and connect with your true self.
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