K Factor

There is wisdom in knowing when to speak one's mind and when to mind your speech; which means your choice of words, tonation and line of questions matter. It is not everyone who knows that so we end up hurting those we love so much in an attempt to get answers to things bothering us.

Women are good with issues on security, maybe because they are blessed with intuition. They are able to sense when something is wrong or not right with their feelings. And because security is one of their topmost needs, when their security is broken or interfered with, they seem to act like a police and put anyone they suspect or have a proof against on trial, especially their partner or spouse.

She has all the evidence that her man is hiding something from her or not being faithful to her. Instead of confronting him with her feelings and evidence, she rather subjects her partner to a line of questioning as if they have a criminal in their court. Questions like "where are you coming from, where were you, who were you with, who is she to you"? They do so because they don't want their partner to lie to them or escape from the truth.

They ask the questions anticipating that he will lie to them so they can launch an attack on them or jail them. Men find this questioning so disrespectful and fight back in anger. And when he acts like that, she feels he is running from the truth and that is why he is using anger as a cover up, which is not always the truth. How do you expect your loved one to feel if you arraign them before a court where you are the prosecutor, without any charge sheet?

And as he stands in that court, in the witness box, she refuses to listen to what he has to say because she is just interested in the truth she wants to hear. Even if he is telling the truth which does not correspond to the facts she knows, she is not willing to listen to him. She goes a step further to call him names, link evidence to past issues in an attempt to make him feel guilty.

Such behaviour or approaches are not the best way of resolving issues in a relationship or marriage. Your man is not a criminal because he wronged you or offended you. As much as you deserve to know the truth, do that with love and respect. As much as you want to know the full picture fast, allow him to speak.

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DIVORCE IS A TOUGH DECISION

Divorce is not good; it is not part of God's design for marriage, and we frown on people who make such decisions. However we fail to find out why and, in some cases, when we find out the reason, we rather rubbish it.

Human beings are not objects or non-living beings; they have emotions, dignity and needs. When you get married and you are treated like an object, when your feelings are taken for granted, your needs neglected and your dignity means nothing to your spouse, the very person who vowed to treat you well, you will soon get to the point where you no longer want to be in such company.

You cannot continue cheating on your spouse and think apologizing is enough to make them stay in the marriage. You cannot keep lying to your spouse and think giving them gifts is enough to make them stay with you.

It's time the married stopped abusing the word "sorry." Don't expect your spouse to forgive you and move on because you apologized after cheating. Your spouse will forgive you, but moving on is not possible. Moving on is only possible when you take responsibility for your actions and are committed to working to correct your behaviour. Correcting your behaviour is not about making promises; in some cases, it is about seeking counselling or therapy.

When you don't work on your unhealthy behaviour, you push your spouse to choose between turning a new page in the marriage or ending the marriage. They have no choice but to divorce, rather than pretending you have changed or that all is well.

©️k factor 2024

Love, more importantly, is work. It's a no-go area for lazy people. Commitment requires effort, and as you invest in personal growth and your relationships, both of you become more beautiful.

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HOW TO WIN AS COUPLES

Learn how to negotiate and compromise instead of trying to win alone at all costs in life. Whenever you win alone, you lose people who could have been a blessing to you.

You cannot work alone in this life; you cannot live alone; you cannot exist alone. You need others to work effectively, you need others to live, you need others to belong, you need others to be a blessing to, and vice versa.

Be it work space, business, family, or personal relationship, you will need someone in your life or in your space. You need people who are happy with you, not people who are sad because you are happy.

When you learn to negotiate and compromise, you win with others. You are not the only person who wins; others win as well. You are not the only person whose interests are met; others’ are taken care of as well.

As a couple, if you learn how to negotiate and compromise in your relationship, even during conflicts, you won't only look out for your own interests; you'll also consider those of your partner's.

When there is a conflict, instead of shouting at your partner, learn to speak undertone, consider their feelings, and instead of being defensive, learn to listen to your partner's views. Be willing to consider their suggestions and try something different. Sometimes, you gain more by letting go of what you are used to.

It always takes two to tango; it takes two to make a relationship. You win by becoming assertive (considering your needs and those of your partner) and not by being aggressive (only considering your interests) or passive (considering your partner’s interest only).

©️k factor 2024

THINGS TO KNOW BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED: I - INFIDELITY

Cheating in marriage, infidelity or adultery is one painful thing to happen to marriage. The pain can be unbearable; the wound caused is not only deep, but it takes forever to heal, and in some situations, when it finally heals, the scar left is ugly; it dents the beauty of the marriage. Furthermore, couples end up battling with insecurity and mistrust.

Even In law, it's a crime against marriage, and it's one reason a spouse can end the legal relationship. Customarily it’s a taboo; it's the reason to end the relationship that exists between couples. In religion, it's a sin against marriage, and a justification to dissolve the union.

It's not something any spouse wants to experience in marriage, but sadly, the same people who don't want this experience are able to put their partner through it and think that being sorry is enough to get over it.

Personally, it is uncomfortable when a culture or group of people think it is okay for the man to cheat on their wife or be unfaithful but find everything wrong when the wife does same. We need to remember that crime, taboo and sin do not have a gender. The pain men feel when they are cheated on, women feel same.

It's important for men and women to unite and fight against cheating or unfaithfulness in marriage. Singles who find it hard to tell the truth and who cannot discipline their bodies and senses, need to know that marriage is not good for their behaviour. Marriage is not a solution to their behaviour either.

"Have respect for marriage. Always be faithful to your partner, because God will punish anyone who is immoral or unfaithful in marriage" - Hebrews 13:4.

To be continued…

Engr. Kufre James
CEO, k factors LTD.
Electrical service provider, computer Engineer, counselor.
©️k factor 2024