Poiice

One morning I woke up to the realization that my husband could not afford to put down money for feeding in our home. Just let that sit for a moment. Here was a man who had stood tall on our wedding day, who had made promises and meant every single one of them, now unable to provide a basic meal

So I made a decision. I found a way for us to move back into my mother's house. The plan was simple. Stay there, gather enough, and pack out as soon as we could stand on our own again.

I once overheard my sister and my mother saying unkind things about my husband. Sitting right there in the kitchen like I didn't exist in the next room. I heard my mother say, "Oh, that one too is not a man." I heard my sister laugh and say, "Look at his bowl of food. Yet no money." They said the meanest things about a man they once pretended to adore.....👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾

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Our relationship started very well until we started talking about marriage, just in case we got there. She was clear about what she wanted in a man: supportive, very caring, helps with domestic chores, family-oriented, and many others. She asked what I was looking for in a wife, and I made a list off the top of my head. The usual list, the basic things a man needs in a woman.

All was going well until I mentioned that I needed a woman who would be very submissive to me. She asked what that meant, and I told her, “Just a woman who will recognize me as the leader and will allow me to lead because two captains can’t be in a ship.”

She laughed and said, “Well, I’m not that kind of woman, and what you’re describing is exactly the kind of relationship I don’t want to be in.”

For several minutes, we went back and forth with explanations. I was trying to explain my point with no anger or agenda, but it looked like everything I said made her angry, the fact that I was going to lead her tipped her boat. She said, “I don’t need a leader. I need a partner. If you can’t be that partner, then there’s no need.”

She left the conversation and said good night. I thought we would come back to it again because we had a three-month-old relationship going on, but her attitude changed. She didn’t want to talk to me again, or she gave me excuses.

After carefully thinking about it, I realized that I didn’t communicate my thoughts very well, and maybe my choice of words didn’t help the discussion. I told her, “I’ve realized where I went wrong; kindly give me the chance to explain myself.”

She retorted, “You said what was in your heart. You don’t need to change a thing. Even the Bible says, 'Out of the abundance of the heart speaketh the mouth.' It’s fine. We both are looking for different things. Let’s leave it here.”

Just like that, I’ve lost my relationship. This is a woman I’ve fallen totally for. Physically, she’s the only woman I’ve met who has it all, both front and back, and has the skin color to match. I thought we could work through this misunderstanding, but she says she can’t submit and won’t also allow me to mend my position.

What’s wrong with women these days and impatience? How do we grow if we all take entrenched positions? We should be calming down ooo. We are not going anywhere with this world.

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Hello MAN: If you disappoint, you must appear before the council of the Brotherhood and explain why you've decided to disgrace everybody!

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My father does not want me to get married.

My father ran away after our mother died in 2007. I still remember the confusion, the tears, and how everything in our lives shifted overnight. After the funeral and all the ceremonies were over, my five siblings and I went to live with our grandmother on my mother’s side. That was where we found some kind of stability, or at least a place where we could rest our heads and feel safe.

Our father was nowhere to be found.

Along the way, my headmistress took me in and treated me like her own child. She supported me and cared for me through school. Later, when I became stubborn and was sent back to my mother’s family, I still managed to continue my education. Eventually, I made it to tertiary school through the kindness and benevolence of different people who stepped in to help me.

During all those years, my father only sent me money once. My school fees were about 3,100 cedis, and he gave me 2,000 cedis. That was the only time he supported me financially.

Now I am about to get married. Before I finished college, my foster mother lost her husband. I thought that moment could be an opportunity for my father to reconnect, so I told him to use that chance to meet my foster mother. He never did.

When I informed my foster mother about the marriage process, she said she could not receive the bride price herself, so she directed us to my maternal family. They accepted it and asked us to go ahead with the marriage arrangements.

I informed my father about everything. But this morning, when I called him to tell him the wedding date, he told me I had insulted him and his family by not allowing him to receive the bride price.

Now I am scared. I am worried this situation will have implications for my marriage.

I do not know what to do. Should I tell my maternal family about his reaction, or should I wait until they ask about him? What if they never ask? Will my marriage still stand without my father being involved?

These questions keep troubling my mind.

Follow Ariff Smart Emmanuel

Hello MAN: If you disappoint, you must appear before the council of the Brotherhood and explain why you've decided to disgrace everybody!

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