De black monkey

WHAT IS YAWA?🤷

YAWA is when you give a beautiful girl👩‍💼 a lift🚗
And she f@ints in your car🚗

You take her to the hospital🏥
and when you get there
the doctor👨‍⚕️ says she's pregn*ant🤰
and congratulates you that you are going to be father👨‍👩‍👧‍👧 very soon.

You then shout🗣️ that you are not the father and the girl says you are the father.🙆🏽‍♂️
Things are now getting YAWAFUL.🤦🏽‍♂️

You require a DNA test🧫 to prove you are not the father.🤷🏽‍♂️
Things are now getting YAWASTIC
When the doctor comes with the result📜 saying you can not be a father because you are infertile.
You are relieved, but on your way home🚶‍♂️
you remember you are married💍
with three kids👨‍👦‍👦 at home!...
Now you are extremely YAWÀCIOUS.😢

Now, you begin to ask yourself who is the father of those kids..🤷🏽‍♂️
You got home🏠 to find out that the gateman🚪 is their real fàther.
You are now YAWÁDED..🙆🏽‍♂️

You decided to travel🚗 home to complain to your mother about the latest development.. And your Mum with téars😭
running down her cheeks tells you
my son.. I'm so sorry 🙏 ...
your Da*d ain't really your Da*d...🙊
Then you know that things are now YAWASTICATED.😭

Yunno I love y'all ❤️
That's why I like to make y'all happy 🤞 😅

Please follow 👉 De black monkey🙏

if you are online laugh 🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭
0. The full meaning of Nigeria
N: Never
I: Intimidate
G: Garri
E: Even
R: Rice
I: Is
A: Aware
They can't teach you this in school 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

1. Children first! Children first! Naso rice take finish for church today. I no chop 🥹😩😭😭 😂😂😂

2. Putting Africa kids to bed always look like a robbëry attack.
“oya!! Lïe down, close your eyes, face the bed, don’t move your legs. If I hear ‘pimmm’, you will hear ‘wiiinn!!!”🙆‍♀️
Nigerïan mothers why? 😂😂😂😂
3. My neighbour’s daughter, Favour is pregnänt, I’m leaving that house ’cause that girl can lïe ehn 🚶‍♀️🙄😂😂

4. I can’t forget the day a Yahoö boy told me that the full meaning of SCAM is =>
S= Success
C= Comes
A= as
M= Miracle
😳😂😂😂🙆‍♀️

5. Welcome to Nigeria, where someone will lost his phone of 70k, and be like “it’s not the phone that is painïng me, but my sim çard” 😩. Bros are you OK at all ? Sim çard of how much ? 🙄😂😂😂

6. I saw a lady cryïng yesterday at ShopRite because she lost her 15k; I fell pitied and offered her 2k from the 15k I picked from the floor 🥲
Too much caring😂😂😂

7. I can’t believe that I’m related to Bill Gates 🤭...
His mother and my mother are both MOTHERS 😳😇😂😂😂

8. Who else noticed that English mostly runs äway when you’re in a serious argument ?? 🥲😂😂

9. Imagine dating a girl who can break sugarcane with her legs 😩🙆😂
You already know what I’m to say... if you know you know 😕😂😂😂

Dearie 🥰, If nobody cares to talk to you know that you have Me De black monkey🥰🥰🥰please follow for more and remain blessed
I am @❣️❣️❣️

Time to laugh 😂😂😂😂

1. Nobody sings better than a girl tryíng to séducé her new handsome neighbor 🙄🙄🙆‍♂️🙆‍♂️

She will be líke Ven Ven Ven Ven Ven uuuuuhh ALMARI God we are waiting for you
🙄🤣🤣🤣😑💪

2. Shôrtest conversation in the world
Me in the toilët forgøt to close the door
My crūsh opens it mistákënly
Me :eyaaa !!🙄🙄🙆‍♂️🙆‍♂️
Her:Eyiiiii👀👀🙆

3. Came inside the dōg 🐕 will not bíté you, is easy to say ,
Until the dōg transfórms you into a robót , when it looks at you 🙄🙄
You organize a prayer session in your braïn
Then you start walking líke AI dadrolita
🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤷
🤣🤣🤣😭

4. Nyash na nyash then why are you rubbīng nyash enlârgement 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️
🤣🤣🤣

5. After borrōwíng you now you're asking me do you know who I am 🙄🙄🤷🤷🤦‍♂️

You are dangote's mïssīng son 😏😏
I give you 2 days to return my môney if not you will know who I am ✋😒😒

😜🤣🤣😑
6. The only man a woman can listen to and never dīsrespect is the camera man 🙊🙊🙈

Prove me wrøng ^⁠_⁠^

📷📷🤣🤣🤣

7. Compliment to food 🥝🥑

America : it's really delicious 🤤😋, I love it
It's appetizing

Nigeria: chaii na which heavenly being make this fine sweet undesçribable, unquestionable, infact even mama Nkechi cannot cook this fabulous food we should bând the soup 🙄🙄🙆🏻‍♀️
😂😂

Cameroon: wonderful this bittêr lêâve soup na potatoes
Very sweet and unbelīevably nice chai I just love the soup 😋😋😆

😋😋🤤🤤😜

8. While normal people wear face masks, others decide to put makeup mask 😏😏🙆🏻‍♀️
🤣🤣🤣

9. I will never knáck with any màn till I get marríed, my body is my life
Says a woman with two kids 😭😭😑😒😏
🙆🏻‍♀️😂😂

10. After laughing you are tryíng to g without reaçting 🙄 🙄 🙄 try it n'a I no go gree 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Please follow me for more interesting jokes daily 👉🏽👉🏽De black monkey🙏🙏🙏🙏

Birthday wishes for myself

Happy birthday to the most amazing person I know – myself! 🎉🎂🥳

Today, I celebrate the remarkable journey of my life and the incredible person I have become. It's a day to honor my accomplishments, cherish my experiences, and embrace the beautiful soul within me.

On this special day, I wish myself boundless happiness, unwavering self-belief, and the courage to chase my dreams fearlessly. May my path be filled with love, laughter, and abundant blessings. I am grateful for every moment that has led me to this point, and I eagerly anticipate the adventures that lie ahead.

As I blow out the candles, I make a wish for a year filled with personal growth, exciting opportunities, and meaningful connections. I promise to nurture my well-being, listen to my heart's desires, and pursue the things that bring me joy.

Happy birthday to me! Today and always, I choose to celebrate my uniqueness, embrace my flaws, and appreciate the incredible person I am. Here's to another year of self-love, self-discovery, and self-fulfillment. May my light shine brightly and inspire others along the way.

Cheers to the wonderful journey of my life! Happiest of birthdays to me funny Lawal ❣️ 💯🥰
All I Need From U Guys Is Ur Dua Upon Me 🤲 🙏 💯

Big shout-out to my newest top fans! Chukwu Di, Delicious Delish, Mrjreal Mrjreal, Audu Commissioner, Emmanuel Ebi, Kabugrit Tons, Ngozi Anorue, May Rie, Olanrewaju Janet Oluseun, Mercy Ayomide, Ä G Wïzzy Live, Arnold Omongos Pilapil

LAUGH 😍😍😍

00. You fit meet nothing for the big bag wey u dey cháse 🚶
😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒

1 Don't dístúrb anybody in this periød 🤨
*
If you need anything, Go thīef🙂
🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

2. If she lêâve you when you're brøke
*
You fit be her gateman tomorrow😌

3. Rain wey bêât you today fit carry you go tomorrow😒

4 Stop lèâving your children all alone in your shop . I bought 9 cups of rice for 150 today😋😋
🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯🧑‍

5.Them f**k you fínïsh you dey tell the guy make en turn make you wear clothe 🤨👈
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her húsband opening the front door. "Húrry!" she said, "Stand in the corner." She quickly rúbbed baby oil all over him and then she dústed him with talcúm pôwder. "Don't move until I tell you to." she whíspered. "Just pretēnd you're a statúe." "What's this, hôney?" the húsband asked as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a statúe." she replied nonçhalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked the idea so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the "statúe." Around 2AM in the morning, the húsband got out of bed, went into the kitçhen, and returned with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here." he said to the 'statúe.' "Eat this. I stood líke an idiót at the Smith's for three days and nobody offêred me so much as a glass of water."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

FOLLØW me for more interesting jokes and stories 🥰 👉 De black monkey

LAUGH 😍😍😍

00. You fit meet nothing for the big bag wey u dey cháse 🚶
😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒

1 Don't dístúrb anybody in this periød 🤨
*
If you need anything, Go thīef🙂
🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

2. If she lêâve you when you're brøke
*
You fit be her gateman tomorrow😌

3. Rain wey bêât you today fit carry you go tomorrow😒

4 Stop lèâving your children all alone in your shop . I bought 9 cups of rice for 150 today😋😋
🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯🧑‍

5.Them f**k you fínïsh you dey tell the guy make en turn make you wear clothe 🤨👈
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her húsband opening the front door. "Húrry!" she said, "Stand in the corner." She quickly rúbbed baby oil all over him and then she dústed him with talcúm pôwder. "Don't move until I tell you to." she whíspered. "Just pretēnd you're a statúe." "What's this, hôney?" the húsband asked as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a statúe." she replied nonçhalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked the idea so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the "statúe." Around 2AM in the morning, the húsband got out of bed, went into the kitçhen, and returned with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here." he said to the 'statúe.' "Eat this. I stood líke an idiót at the Smith's for three days and nobody offêred me so much as a glass of water."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

FOLLØW me for more interesting jokes and stories 🥰 👉 De black monkey 🙏🙏🙏

I BET You.. You will laugh 🤣🤣

1.. Start Saving for January 13th oo..😉
😏Its Not right to Call ur age Mates *Boss!*👐
Just Because of a Bottle of Beēr😆🤣

2" Can Someone Please help me to spell *"Quolefile"*
As in..... *Beauty Cannot Quolefile Your Looks* 🤔

3.. If you ask a girl to Sleêp over and she said No, Don't førce Her, Some of them Uríñate 0n the Bed at Night😏

4.. Nigerian Economy Has Humbled Everyone
We No Longer Hear *"I Can Feed You and Your Family!"*
This Country enh😆😆🤣

Before you continue reading please take one minute of your time to liçk your dry líps👄

5.. Papa God, the Crúsh u gave Me Never Still call me since morning oo🥺
But Her Best Friend Don Call me Two times Already 🤔
Speak to me Lord, Ur Son Is Listening👂, Abi Make I Switçh From Nepa to Generator?🙇??🤲🤲🤲😭😭

6.. Nowadays, it's Very Hârd to See food In the Dream
If You're Lucky to See Fufu, You Won't See Soup🙆🥺

7.. So Very Soon, I Will get
Marríed and get a
Daughter and 🤔0ne Small
Boy Will Be Tøasting My
Daughter and Be Lyíng to Her?🥺😬

8.. I Know Some 0lodo People Still Don't Know That AFTERNOON SLEÊP Is Called *SYLVESTER*😌

9.. Lecturer asked are We Communicating??
Naso Eunice Shøut *"Yes Baby!!"*
Na HOD Office We Dey Since morning😂😆😂

10.. Never Call Ur Kids Coconut
Head Cuz its Simply Means
that You are The Coconut
Tree😆🤣

11.. Eunice You are Even Lucky They Told u
it's OVER......😌 Some of Us
Na From Rūmors We take Know
Say Dey Don Replaced Us🤦‍♂️😆🤣

12.. Please the person that
drew map of the world, where was he standing?🤔🤔🤣

13.. Trøuble is when u join a group called "Single nd searching" and you find out that ur wife is the ADMIN🙆😂

14..pls is making another girl laughs Chëâting!!????
Please I need your answers oo, I'm about
being single again, my bae said I'm
commītting FUNNYcation.😂😂😂

15.. I'm standing outside if anyone ask me what am doing I'll say i'm outstanding😋😚😚😂

Follow me for more De black monkey 💖🙏🙏🙏🙏

My problem is the person that designed Nigeria coat of arms. He saw the eagle and horse fighting. Instead of him to separate them, he went and wrote Peace and Unity. This is where all the problems started from 😭 please follow me for more De black monkey 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

One day death came to a Guy and said, Hey, today is your last day.😒

Guy, But I'm not ready!😭

Death said, Well today your name is the first on my list.😉

Guy, Okay then why don't you take a seat and we will drink a COFFEE☕ before we go😊?

Death☠️, All right.

The Guy gave Death some COFFEE with sleeping pills in it😅. Death finished COFFEE and fell into a deep sleep!!! The Guy took the list & removed his name from top of the list and put at the bottom of the list!!😌

When Death woke up he said to the Guy, Because you have been so nice to me now I will start my job from the BOTTOM of the list.😇
😂😂😂😂😂💔

Who say village people don't exist 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I still remain No. 1 stingy man of Akwa iBom

I post interesting contents and jokes daily don't forget to follow me for more De black monkey
God bless you abundantly as you do som