Synergetic Play Therapy Institute

Transitions—whether big or small—are one of the most common places where we, as humans, lose our sense of steadiness.

This is true for both children and adults. Moving from one state to another, from the known to the unknown, can be inherently ungrounding.

Sometimes, we try to hold on tightly to what we’re leaving behind while simultaneously reaching for what’s ahead. But here’s the challenge—what we are moving toward is often nebulous. It’s not always clear.

Transitions ask us to find ourselves in the unknown, and that’s not easy to do.

This is why children often struggle behaviorally during transitions. Stopping what they are doing, shifting to the next thing, leaving one environment for another—all of it requires them to navigate uncertainty. And when uncertainty rises, so does dysregulation.

And the same applies to us as adults. Think about life’s major transitions—new jobs, relocations, shifts in relationships. Transitions are a prime time for emotional reactivity, for seeking control, for clinging to external sources of stability.

So, what do we do?

How do we find steadiness when everything is shifting?

The instinct is to look outward—to hold onto something external for security. But transitions, by nature, are in motion. And when we try to anchor into something that’s also moving, it often creates even more instability.

Imagine a tornado. If you try to grab onto its swirling walls for stability, you’ll only get caught in the storm. The steadiness isn’t found in what’s moving—it’s found by turning inward. 💗

So how do we help ourselves—and the children we support—anchor within?

🌿 Breathe—take intentional breaths to bring awareness back to the body.
🌿 Feel the feet—grounding through physical sensation helps orient us.
🌿 Hold onto something steady—a weighted object, a chair, or even our own hands.
🌿 Acknowledge the experience—saying, “I feel lost” or “This is scary” can help bring clarity.
🌿 Seek co-regulation temporarily—sometimes a hug or shared presence with a safe person can help us find our own center (not place our safety in them).

And one more thing…

As you navigate transitions, be mindful of the expectations you place on yourself. The pressure to stay the same, to function as you always have, or to make things feel familiar can create resistance to what is naturally unfolding. Instead, allow yourself the space to step into what is emerging—at your own pace, in your own way.

So, take a breath. Feel your feet.

And if you’re supporting a child through transition, help them do the same. Show them how to anchor inward, how to find their center—even when everything around them is shifting.

Much love on the journey, 💜

Lisa

❤️ this from , trauma informed parenting support

“What is co-regulation?

Co-regulation is the process of one nervous system responding to the state of another nervous system.
☀️ Co-regulation happens unconsciously and automatically.
For instance...
Have you ever spent some time with someone who was very agitated? Did you notice that you too became agitated just by being next to them?
Or have you ever been in the presence of someone very calm... and left feeling calmer yourself?
That's because your nervous system is naturally co-regulating with the people around you.
☀️ Co-regulation is a survival necessity.
Think of a herd of deer.
🦌 If one of them has perceived a threat and runs away (that's the "flight response"), ALL the other deer run away too!
Even if they haven't seen the threat themselves.
Simply because their nervous system responded to the flight response in the first deer.
🦌Imagine if one the deer was NOT co-regulating and would stay there, chewing on grass, while all his mates are running away...!
What would happen to it?
It wouldn't live very long.
👉 So co-regulation is a survival necessity.
Our human nervous system is very similar to that of other mammals, so the same happens to us, humans.
If our brain has perceived a threat, our nervous system will go into a survival response (fight, flight, freeze, fawn).
We will feel agitated, angry or shut down.
Our kids, who are naturally co-regulating with us, will very quickly go into a survival response too!
They'll feel agitated, angry, shut down too.
This is their nervous system trying to keep them alive.
☀️ Co-regulation goes both ways
The good news is that co-regulation goes both ways.
When we learn to self-regulate and to come out of a survival response, our body relaxes.
-> Because our kids are co-regulating with us, they become calmer too.
❔Have you noticed that when you're feeling relaxed, your kids tend to be more relaxed too?
❔ And that when you're stressed, they tend to be more agitated?
☀️ Finally, co-regulation is how children learn to self-regulate.
We can't teach a child to self-regulate by telling him "slow down" or "calm down" or even by teaching self-regulation tools.
Kids learn to self-regulate through repeated moments of co-regulation with us throughout their life.
This is why it's so important that we learn how to self-regulate.”
Illustrations by the wonderful Sigrid at Tuschmørke ❤