A Message to the Conscience

Case of the Week #887
LETTER
Ever since I quit my job as a police officer, I’ve wanted to serve God, but I haven’t had the willpower to surrender my life to Him. I want God to help me give up worldly things.

COUNSEL

Dear Friend,

We commend you for sincerely considering what life is like without God, and for your desire to surrender your life to Him. Even demons believe in God,1 so we are glad that you understand that just believing in Him is not enough. To serve God means much more. It means letting Him lead the way, and letting Him serve as our example for our habits, actions, and attitudes.

The reality is that God’s Son, Jesus Christ, does not require that anyone clean themselves up before beginning to follow Him. Have you heard the story of the thief who was crucified next to Christ? That man had done so many wrong things that he had been condemned to die. But before the man died, he acknowledged Christ as the King of a future kingdom, and asked Christ to remember him by giving him a place in that heavenly kingdom after his death.2

When the man asked Christ to remember him, it was his way of saying, “I believe you are the Son of God, and I want to go where you go. Will you take me with you?”

We know that the man didn’t have even one day left to live. That means that he didn’t have time to clean up all his bad habits. But did Christ tell him, “Sorry, you can’t follow me where I’m going; you’re too sinful”?

No, Christ knew that man’s heart. He knew that the man was very sorry for all that he had done wrong. So Christ listened to the man and then said, “Today you will be with me in paradise.”3 In so saying, Christ was acknowledging that the man was going to be His follower, all the way to heaven.

The man then died as punishment for his own sins. Christ, the Son of God, on the other hand, had never sinned. And yet, even though He was innocent, Christ paid the price for my sins and yours. He was the only sinless One who ever lived, and thus was the only One pure enough to take my punishment and yours.

After asking for forgiveness and telling Christ that you want to be His follower, it is important for you to learn everything about Him so that you can follow His example. Read the Bible, beginning in the Gospel according to John, and pray that God would help you to understand what He is saying to you. It is also necessary to find a group or church where the people are followers of Christ and where the teaching will help you know more about the Bible. Tell the people of the church that you are a new follower of Christ and that you need their understanding and guidance.

We wish you well,

Linda
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1Jas 2:19
2Lk 23:42
3Lk 23:43

Case of the Week #881

LETTER

I’ve been divorced for ten years. I was left with three daughters, whom I raised with great dedication and effort, taking them to church ever since they were little....

Three years ago, my oldest daughter earned a scholarship to study in a city far from me. I’ve supported her in everything, and she’s done very well in her studies. Three months ago, she wrote to me and told me she has a boyfriend. But now she says she’s going to live with him, someone I don’t even know.... It has left me in shock and so distressed that I don’t know what to do. I would appreciate your wise counsel.

COUNSEL

Dear Friend,

We are very sorry to hear about your situation. We understand how distressed you are that your daughter is not living according to the moral and Biblical standards that you have taught her ever since she was a child.

When young adults leave their homes to attend a university, they have the opportunity to test what they have been taught at home. If they have any doubts about God, or if they have curiosity about other ways of life, those university years provide a setting for them to explore their own beliefs and to learn about the beliefs of others. We, as parents, would like to protect them and guide them, but they may not accept our protection or guidance.

When adult children move away from home while attending a university, their parents have to face the fact that their children are now able to make their own choices and live by their own beliefs. The adult children already know what their parents believe, so it is of no value for the parents to try and convince them that their choices are wrong. Parents who insist on confronting their adult children repeatedly and at every opportunity may cause their children to cease contact with them.

However, parents do not have to approve or accept the actions of their adult children. Instead, they must recognize that those children have the right and the power to make their own decisions. And they must find a way to love and support their children while agreeing to disagree.

Your daughter is a young adult, living on her own and making her own decisions. Since there is no way for you to force her or manipulate her to live by your standards, we recommend that you focus on maintaining a positive relationship with her in spite of your disapproval of her choices.

Jesus Christ is our model for how to show love without approving of sinful behavior. When He walked on the earth, He often encountered sinners, offering them His love without nagging them about their sins. You can do the same.

We wish you well,

Linda

Case of the Week #879

LETTER

I’ve been living with my partner for over two years, after almost four years of being in a relationship. And even though we have plans to continue sharing our lives with our children—one of his and two of mine—I can’t accept that his commitments to his ex-wife and daughter come before us.....

I’ve brought it up many times, and now... he hides what he does for them so I won’t get upset. I find out by checking his phone.... I feel so lost! I didn’t realize this before, and I don’t know how to stop it or get him to change.

COUNSEL

Dear Friend,

Your concerns about your partner’s priorities are definitely valid, and you are wise to want to clarify exactly how his funds will be allocated in the future. It is also significant that you feel you cannot trust him, so much so that you are spying on his communications on his phone.

Unfortunately, we believe that you should not continue your relationship with your partner. Disagreements about financial priorities should be significant enough to end the partnership. But when you add the lack of trust, we believe that there is no way for the relationship to survive anyway. The sooner that you accept this fact, the better for you and your children. We feel very sad for all the children who are forced to live with this kind of strife in their homes.

We strongly advise you to make a home for your children where they can have some peace and stability. God’s plan is for you to know a man well before considering a life with him. What are his financial priorities? How does he help his parents, siblings or other relatives? Does he spend money on leisure activities and habits, such as gambling or drinking alcohol, or on expensive hobbies? The answers to these questions should help you to know whether to pursue a relationship with him or not.

However, equally important is whether you can completely trust him. Does he ever lie, even a little bit? Does he hide things from you or justify bad behavior? Does he try to convince you it is paranoid or jealous of you to be concerned about his communication with other people? All of these behaviors are red flags that should tell you that he is not the one for you.

Of course, when you do find the right man, God’s plan is for you to wait to have a physical relationship until you are married.1 The stability of marriage is what both you and your children need.

Lastly, we must tell you that we believe that your partner is right to prioritize the financial needs of his child who is living with his ex-wife. That child came first, and it is honorable of him to not desert or neglect her. You are mistaken to believe that you and your family should have priority over that child.

We wish you well,

Linda
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1 Heb 13:4