WordSmooth

Yesterday was a fantastic day! I supported a client at a meeting where lack of communication had driven a wedge between team members, and the team was at a breaking point. Several of the team members believed they had been offering support to another team member, but they believed the team member did not value the support. This team member did feel supported but was overwhelmed and unable to keep up with expectations. For months, these team members were puzzled about why the other party was not responding as desired. Using curiosity and clarification, we were able to open the window of communication. Team members then could identify and express the previously unspoken issues and create a deeper understanding of core needs and values so that the team can move forward more productively.

Big thank you to my good friend and colleague, Gregory Smith, for the opportunity to lead the Bridging Cultures learning session and others this week!

Have you noticed how different debating is from resolving conflict?

In a debate, you begin by presenting your case, offering a generous helping of evidence, statistics, and references.

You refute the opponent’s case with more evidence, exposing the logical flaws and undermining the opponent’s credibility.

On the other hand, to resolve a conflict, we don’t start with our own case. We begin by asking a curious question.

Then we clarify the answer to that question, and we clarify the other person’s feelings.

Only after opening the window of communication with curious questions and clarifications does it make sense to share our perspective.

But instead of statistics and data, we share our own feelings, beliefs, and what we want.

So, next time you find yourself in a disagreement, make sure you’re clear on whether you want to debate or resolve the conflict, and choose your strategies accordingly.