Redirecting Children's Behavior Encinitas

Parenting Tip: We can sometimes be quick to judge and criticize a situation that doesn't happen according to our plan or system. For instance, if your child drops something, spills something, forgets something, or even when they fail at trying something for the first time. We've all been there, and some days we handle those mess ups better than others. Have you ever been exasperated or frustrated when your child is trying to pour themselves a glass of milk (an attempt at independence) and it spills everywhere? Maybe your laptop was nearby or an important paper? Or your child was angry and threw some papers or books on the floor (expressing their frustration without hurting another)? In these moments of 'evolution' for our kids, we can sometimes be shocked and want the situation remedied immediately. It can enable a survival mechanism, and--depending on OUR day and attitude--we will react with patience or impatience. I know you guys have all had experience with that 'impatient' reaction, and we all know that is never met with cooperation by the other parties involved! Those papers on the floor are not going to be picked up without a fight, and that problem will magnify in the meantime.
I have an idea for everyone to try the next time you get in one of these all too common situations. Instead of reacting with judgement or criticism, try just DESCRIBING THE SITUATION. Feel your feelings, but let your words be just a description of what you see. You will help your child see the issue without fear of judgement, which allows their own problem solving skills to shine. So, just say "there's milk on the counter", or "there are books on the floor", etc. and see the difference in the response from the other party involved. Make sure your voice is not demeaning or patronizing, and just describe what happened. Then watch your kids become just that much more empowered and independent and responsible.

Parenting Tip: Ask your kids for their opinions and ideas. You'll be surprised (almost always in a good way!) at what they come up with. When my kids have a challenging situation, I do my best to be there to help them communicate with each other to figure out a solution. As a busy/multi-tasking parent, sometimes it can be easier to give them the words to say to each other to help the communication move. However, this doesn't give your kids the opportunity to think and problem solve. Yes, it does teach them peaceful communication, but thats your voice. What about their voice? Don't we ultimately want our KIDS to be able to know what to say on their OWN? If we give them the words to say, it short changes them on the chance to try new ways to communicate. It doesn't let their OWN voice be heard--even if it's different than what you were thinking. That can be a hard one for us controllers sometimes! :o) Instead of telling your kids to 'say sorry' or 'tell so and so _____', take a second (or two) and ask them what they think should happen right then. What's their idea on how to move forward and to work on the situation? Let them try and sometimes fail and try again, so they understand the power of their own mind and voice. If we are telling them what to say, they will lose the ability to think for themselves and know what to do when we aren't there.