Allison Rose Coach

Rethinking beliefs and getting educated is usually how most people begin their deconstruction.

But not many realize that without integrating the body…
…they’ve only gone halfway.

You might’ve shifted your beliefs but still struggle with internalized guilt.

Or left church but avoided setting boundaries in relationships.

Or maybe you just can’t quite enjoy resting or hobbies.

Our nervous systems coped with toxic theology and spiritual abuse in ways that patterned our behavior.

But that doesn’t just vanish after changing your beliefs.

The body must be addressed physically.

I’ve got a couple spots left for private coaching this summer and I’d love to support you reconnecting to your body again!

Check out the link to the free Fit & Alignment call on my page to get started.

If you’ve deconstructed mentally but still struggle to feel fully present in your body, this is for you!

If you used to pray away your sexual drive…
Take your anxiety captive…
Or beat yourself up for feeling overwhelmed on Sunday mornings…

You need to know something:
You weren’t doing anything wrong.

It wasn’t your body distracting you from the things of God.

Your body was surviving toxic beliefs.

Evangelicalism categorized your normal human behavior as moral failure.

You may have been taught that ruminating thoughts were a lack of faith.
Or that the guilt you felt was your conscience/the Holy Spirit.
Or that the panic you experienced was satan trying to stop you from coming to church.

When actually…these were ways your nervous system was trying to protect you.

Evangelicalism created an environment where there were social, economic, and even eternal consequences to every bit of your actions.

Your body survived the best it could.

Sometimes, it warned you.
Other times, it developed really good coping strategies to keep you safe in that toxic community.

And after you leave, that patterning doesn’t just disappear.
…even if you’ve updated your beliefs.

While those coping strategies worked really well in the past,
You don’t need them anymore.

And now they’re keeping you “safe” from resting, making new connections, and enjoying your life.

That’s why I created the Guilt Reset.

It’s a free 10 minute audio for my exvangelical friends who feel stuck after they left their old beliefs behind.

It’s not about forcing your nervous system to change fast,
Or dismissing the hard work you’ve done up to this point.

It’s learning a simple way to begin updating your body,
And showing it that it’s safe with your new beliefs.

You’ve done the mental work.

Now it’s time to support your body.

Find the free Guilt Reset on my page ☝

A few years ago, I remember sharing about my chronic illness journey with someone.

She immediately said, “My daughter deals with a chronic illness. What did you do to get better?”

She then guessed that I had gotten on the right medication, prayed often, changed my mindsets and habits, and found some spiritual enlightenment that set me free.

When I told her what I actually did, she didn’t like it.

“I gave up.”

I explained how at the lowest point of my illness, I wanted to d1€.

I had tried everything to get better. The pain was nearing unbelievable levels. And nothing worked.

One day, as I faced my own mortality, and what felt like total purposelessness…

I realized I couldn’t guarantee that my life would get better.

But I also didn’t have the energy to end it.

So I decided to see what would happen if I stopped trying to chart my life’s course.

While getting better seemed pretty freaking important (especially when faced with the alternative),

I tried so hard for so long and it wasn’t working.

So I gave up.

Not into despair. Not into hopelessness. Just into a sort of neutrality.

Letting whatever was going to happen, happen.

And guess what?

I got better. Fast.

Within 1 year, my chronic illness had almost completely cleared up.

Were there mindset shifts? Yes.
Habit changes? Yes.
Spiritual breakthroughs? Yep.

But was I focused hard on those things? Not at all.

I just started enjoying my life and appreciating the journey.

It felt like I stepped into the flow of the river of life,

Rather than trying to build the perfect boat, plan my route, and paddle as hard as I could to manage the flow.

If you’re in the thick of it today…

Have you considered letting go? And seeing where the journey takes you?

Maybe you’re right where you need to be.

Part of healing from purity culture is decentering men.

And when I say that, I don’t mean hate them, rage against them, and wish they didn’t exist.

(That’s actually centering on them, too)

What I mean is…live your life for yourself.

Enjoy your identity, not in relation to men, but for who you are.

If you’re single, start loving the sh*t out of your life.

If you’re in a relationship, cultivate your own hobbies and friends and time alone.

If you’re married, anchor into the parts of your identity that aren’t just “wife.”

You can decanter men and still love the men in your life.

It’s all about balance.

What ways have you centered on yourself and reclaimed confidence after purity culture?

The modern western “gospel” usually goes something like this:

“You didn’t know it but you’re actually horribly broken and bad.

Now that you know that, I’d like to tell you about Jesus.

There’s this father god who made you evil, and he hates you so much that he murders his son so he can look at you.

ISN’T THAT LOVING?!

*You wonder what definition of love that is*

HE’S GOD SO WE DON’T UNDERSTAND HIS LOVING WAYS.”

The entire premise of the modern gospel is how broken you are.

I won’t make long arguments here, but many theologians and Bible scholars don’t believe that was the “good news” Jesus preached about at all.

Feeling broken makes you more likely to buy something or listen to somebody…

But it will not inspire you to change your habits.

Ironically, knowing how whole you are right now…

That’s the best possible brain state you can be in for growth!

If you’re deconstructing, you might be slowly unlearning this idea of original sin.

It walks around without religious language, too.

The personal development industry is also obsessed with making sure you know what you’re lacking.

But the truth is: you’re whole.

You’re perfect.

Not like you never make mistakes.

But that maybe the mistakes you make don’t have anything to do with your identity.

Public service announcement over.

Go back to enjoying your life, friend!!

So many modern Christian teachings actually get us to hyper-intellectualize everything.

And the body, the flesh?

Left in the dust.

Or worse, vilified, demonized, declared sinful.

It’s hard to recognize because it feels so spiritual to “deny the body” and focus on eternal growth.

But we are human, living in bodies of flesh.

And the more we believe we need to get away from that truth…

The less respect we treat our natural selves with.

Long after deconstructing the “sinful flesh” idea, I still caught myself subtly dismissing my bodily experiences.

Ignoring my biological needs,
Avoiding my emotions,
Feeling guilt about pleasure,
Ignoring my intuition,
Doubting my desires,
Never feeling satisfied in the present moment.

These habits point to a dysregulated nervous system…

But are held even more firmly by internalized spiritual beliefs.

Once I stopped punishing myself for being human,
And started actually enjoying my life,
Things dramatically improved.

Less depression/anxiety, 9 years of chronic illness shifted in 1 year, relationships with my kids improved,

And for the first time, maybe ever, I felt peaceful and calm.

I could sit still and notice how beautiful it is to breathe.

So if you’ve deconstructed but still feel this sense that your body is a distraction…

Or you’ve shifted your beliefs but don’t quite feel like you can enjoy your life…

Dm me! I offer private session and somatic coaching to help you get reconnected to your body and find rest and peace in your life again.

Kinda like how all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares…

Deconversion can fall under the deconstruction category.

But deconstructing doesn’t imply that you will ultimately de-convert.

Deconstructing is re-examining the beliefs, doctrines, worldviews, and traditions of your religion…

And deciding if they actually make sense.

When we first join a religion (or are born into one), we might verbally consent to participate.

But many people don’t even understand what they are getting into.

Theological concepts can be shrouded in heavy, academic language.

Many of us realize one day that the things we’ve been agreeing with on Sunday morning for years…

Are not things we actually believe.

Or worse, they’re actively harming us or others.

The deconstruction journey is personal and different people arrive at different conclusions.

What’s important on my page is that we all respect each other’s path and engage with curiosity.

So, where has deconstruction taken you?

Hyper-vigilance predicts the future using information from the past.

Intuition gives you information in real time.

Hyper-vigilance doesn’t actually live in the present moment.

It burns energy trying to prepare for hypotheticals.
It scans for danger.
It waits for the other shoe to drop.

Because at some point, that vigilance probably protected you.

So now it expects the worst and organizes your life around avoiding pain.

Intuition feels different.

Different people call it different things:

God.
Gut feelings.
Inner knowing.
The body speaking.
An inner compass.

But most people experience it the same way:
beyond logic,
inside the body,
before they can fully explain it.

I think intuition is a mix of desire, subconscious pattern recognition, and the body picking up information in real time.

And when we learn to separate it from fear or hyper-vigilance,
it becomes easier to trust.

Even before we have “proof.”

If you don’t believe me, start experimenting.

Notice if your stomach tightens every time you’re around a certain person.

Notice if your body relaxes around someone else.

Notice the difference between anxiety spiraling into the future…
and a grounded knowing that quietly says:
something here isn’t right.

Your body is gathering information all the time.

The goal isn’t to become fearful of every sensation.

It’s learning when your body is trying to protect you…
and when it’s trying to guide you back to yourself.

Deconstructionists, have you started finding ways to rebuild self trust?

How has intuition played a part in that for you?

When it’s your identity on the line…
It’s way harder to admit you made a mistake.

Instead of trying and failing, it’s *who you are*.
Instead of being honest when we slip up, it’s repentance and atonement.

Christians will deny this, but the theology of original sin creates people who begin to spiritualize (and moralize) even the most benign of human behavior.

Growing up in charismatic circles, we lived in constant paradox.

We were sinners, saved by grace.

We were chosen/set apart (better than everyone else),
but held to a higher standard (constantly trying prove our goodness).

We were saved, healed, delivered (should be living perfect)
but demons were around every corner (explains, but also vilifies, human experience)

Living in such cognitive dissonance for such a long time is exhausting.

When every human experience, every learning opportunity feels loaded with spiritual meaning…

…just living your life and being authentic feels…dangerous.

Many of us fell into perfectionism to manage this.

But you don’t have to be perfect to live a beautiful life.

Honesty is far healthier on your path to growth.

And you’re probably doing a lot better than you think.

When you begin to realize that all of us are doing this life thing for the first time…
The stakes feel a lot lower.

So, today, take a deep breath.
Remember that your actions don’t define your identity.

In fact, it’s much the opposite.

What you believe about yourself is often how you end up behaving.

So recognize your beautiful humanness and enjoy being alive!