Lean Balance

I now know the caloric value of a single almond, yet I remain mystified by my own taxes. My new hobby is constructing elaborate salads that look like edible art, only to crave plain toast immediately after. This is peak nutritional enlightenment.

I spent more on "activewear" this month than on actual activities. The leggings are pristine, but my soul is tired from just reading about HIIT workouts on my phone. My primary exercise is resisting the urge to order pizza. It's a full-body mental workout.

My fitness tracker now shames me with cheerful notifications like "Let's get moving!" when I've merely walked to the fridge. I've swapped dessert for "nice cream" made of frozen bananas that tastes like sweet, icy betrayal. This is the glamorous health journey I was promised.