Fr. Patrick J. O'Doherty

BETWEEN TWO THIEVES

When you read ‘crucified between two thieves’, I imagine you think of our Blessed Lord crucified on Calvary’s hill with a thief on either side. Have you ever considered that you yourself are also a crucified one? Crucified between two thieves; Regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow. I’ve got both myself; much, much, great regret, sorrow, sadness about the past and its sins, and real dread about the future, and in particular the future judgment. These thieves can rob me of today. It was not for nothing that our Blessed Lord told us to pray, “Give us this day our daily bread”; not yesterday’s bread, not tomorrow’s bread. The man however, who knows what he wants right now, today, can escape the awful tyranny of the past and the future.

If what happened to Solomon of old happened to you, that Our Lord should appear to you in a dream and say to you, “You can ask one thing from me and one thing only”, do you know right now what you would ask for? To protect you from yourself, in case you should be so foolish as to ask for great wealth or fame, let’s suppose you also know that within 24 hours of Our Blessed Lord’s appearance to you in the dream, your body is to die. Now do you know what you want? If what we ask for is not good for ourselves and others, something in our souls will be starved. I thought so much about this one think I would ask for (should Our Blessed Lord appear to me) that without hesitation I say right now, “Lord, lead all souls to Heaven, especially those most in need of Thy Mercy… ALL souls…. ALL souls.”

A new subject - old age and suffering. Our age doesn’t seem to value suffering at all. Dying without pain is considered to be death with dignity, yet you and I know the proverb ‘no pain, no gain’. In my own life, pain has led to the greatest spiritual growth. On the other hand, when I was always medicating my pain, I sunk down into terrible sin, time and time again, like a dog returning to eat its own vomit.

Our Blessed Lord says that He is the one who chastises every son and daughter whom He loves. Who among us values old age? Why do we want to live so long? Fagan in “Oliver Twist” sings, ‘ What happens when I’m seventy, there comes a time, seventy, when you’re old, and you’re cold and nobody cares whether you live or you die, the one consolation’s, the money you may have put by.” And one remembers the rich man who died and was damned.

I do believe that the reason we live so long nowadays is that we may be conformed to Christ, that we may no longer live for ourselves, but for Christ. We live so long that we might be intercessors; Remember Abraham, our father in the faith, at eighty, praying over the cities of S***m and Gomorrah? “Lead all souls to Heaven, especially those in most need of Thy Mercy.”

Today we celebrate the 4th of July. But what’s all that about? The day brings to mind family reunions, picnics, baseball, apple pie, parades, and fireworks. However, the day means so much more.

Two hundred fifty years ago our great nation came into existence when our forefathers assembled to pen the Declaration of Independence declaring our autonomy from Great Britain. Let us also remember that this nation was formed by men through prayer and in the sight of the Almighty God. Scripture declares “Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people whom he has chosen for his heritage.” (Psalm 33:12) In God we trust.

God bless America, “one nation under God”, and may the Lord God Almighty bless you today and always. Happy Independence Day!

THE DREAM

On the morning of October 14, 2003, in a dream, I clearly heard, “You will be released on September 8th, 2007. Today is August 6th, The Feast Day of the Transfiguration, in 2007, so if the dream means anything at all, my release date is about 32 days away. Right now I’m in neither a visible prison, or an invisible purgatorial prison, neither am I sick or in bo***ge to any demon. By God’s grace, I’m in a state of grace with access to His house. So what does “will be released” mean? I don’t know. I get moments when I think I am in a countdown to the death of my body and truthfully fear ‘The Judgment‘ because of the evil I have done in my life. I fear not being wanted by Our Lord. Each day I am in waiting, and as I have for the past twenty years, I am attending to my duties in minimalist fashion. I know that minimalist, me doing the essential minimum sounds very cold, but I know few people who do even this.

This minimum is described in Canon 276 of the Code of Canon Law, it says that: “We priests are especially bound to pursue Holiness because we are consecrated to God to serve you, His people, by administering the Sacraments.“ I don’t know if desiring to be possessed by Christ is exactly what the Church had in mind, but that’s what I’m doing. Canon 276 goes on: “We priests are faithfully and untiringly to fulfill the duties of pastoral ministry, to fulfill the divine office daily, according to the proper and approved Liturgical books.“ It’s the untiringly part that gets to me. Sometimes I fall into bed with a “Goodnight, Jesus”, so most of the time I pray the night office much earlier in the day.

Thank God, every day I get to nourish my soul at the twofold table of God’s word, and when offering Holy Mass, I myself get to receive His most Holy Body and Blood. The law also says that I should devote regular time to mental prayer, which I do poorly, and that I should approach the Sacrament of Confession frequently, which I do, and that I should cultivate a special devotion to The Virgin Mary, which thank God I have, and She has taught me all things.

As priests we are to use all other common and particular means to sanctification that you use. It’s ‘this’ minimum that I try to do daily, and most days I do it badly. I am guided too by some of the Fathers and Doctors of the Church. Sometimes this takes the form of just one thing that one of them said and this truly guides me. For instance, John of the Cross, writing to a sister, where life had become lax in her convent said,” Sister, in a house full of devils, keep your head down and do your duty.” In my readings of John of the Cross, I’ve never come across this saying, but whoever told it to me attributed it to John of the Cross, and I’ve tried to live by it. In the midst of the worst sins and scandals of The Church, I try to concentrate on doing my duty as outlined in Canon 276. This particular Canon would be an excellent rule of life for anyone who desired to be made Holy.

PS. Right now as I’m writing this Post Script, it’s December 26th and I’m still here. For months now I’ve experienced a new freedom. The best way I can express it is: “And the tide rushes in and washes my castles away.” So, what does that mean? I can’t tell you yet.

THIS GREAT DESIRE

Fr. John P. McNamee records in his “Diary of a City Priest” a dressing down he received from a good friend. She told him he was critical, haughty, and harsh with everyone, that he had behaved very poorly at a recent meeting complaining that nobody did enough, nobody followed through, and nobody was helpful.

Having read the rest of the book it was easy enough to believe that Fr. John P. McNamee came across that way quite often; harsh, critical, and haughty. I’m more impressed however, by the good friend that gave him a dressing down. Fr. John P. McNamee wrote of her: “I know she cares for me very much and that the dressing down or correction was done in love". The lady who corrected him was not confrontational by nature and he could see her trembling as she scolded him.

All this made me look at myself. When I was in my twenties, my mother, God rest her soul, told me that I was arrogant and to prove how right she was I responded with, “Well I didn’t pick it up off the streets”, which was another form of “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” or “it takes one to know one.” Am I arrogant in my own estimation of myself? No, I am not, but I will admit to hostility, impatience, fear of confronting others, hiding, pride, and envy. So with all these wicked tendencies in me I should tell you that with the grace of Our Lord, I try to keep a tight reign on all this wickedness.

In my wickedness I am particularly encouraged by Our Lord’s talking with Cain, the first murderer. Cain as you know was angry and down cast and Our Lord warned him that Satan was at the door of his heart and that he must master this savage beast known to the whole world as Satan or the devil. The implication of the text is that Our Lord will help Cain to overcome the darkness of brotherly hatred in himself which gives me hope that the same grace is available to me in dealing with my own hostilities etc., etc., etc.

I am particularly grateful to Our Lord for how He has dealt with envy in me. My envy is directed now towards the great Saints. As I sit here writing and if you know me at all, you know what I am going to write next. I want to be a great Saint. Greater than St. John Vianney, St. Therese of Lisieux, and any other Saint you can think of and imagine. All the wicked tendencies of my nature still wrestle with me and for me, yet this great desire is there, and knowing that nothing is impossible to Our Lord, I’ve come to believe that Our Lord who put this great desire in me can bring it to fulfillment.

PS. In case you haven’t noticed, I try not to say ‘God’ anymore. I say Our Lord. When people say God these days, I often find myself thinking: I don’t believe in that God of yours.

I’M SICK, NOT WELL, IN PAIN, I’M WORSE – THANK GOD

Actually, at the moment I’m fine, whatever fine means. In one of the drug rehabilitation centers where I worked, we would say F-I-N-E stands for: Frustrated, Indecisive, Neurotic, and Evasive; so really, I’m fine. I saw a tombstone once and the inscription read: “I told you I was sick.” Anyway hear this: sickness, illness can indeed heal us spiritually. Pope Benedict says: “I may even have a spiritual need of suffering. Christ by teaching me how to suffer and by suffering with me may truly become my doctor who overcomes the deep spiritual sickness within my soul.”

‘Twas in my own sickest, darkest hours that my soul was healed. During the days of my active addiction, during the misery of that time, I had a very violent religious experience; I hadn’t used for three days and I was burning up inside. We call this “dope sickness”; the desire for drugs and to use them comes before everything else, before Our Lord, before Heaven, Hell, life, death, decency, caring, before everything.

On my way to get drugs, burning up inside like a dog returning to its vomit, I heard in my already tormented soul: “I’m sorry I made you, you are causing scandal, it would be better if you had never been born and that a great millstone be tied around your neck and you be drowned in the depths of the sea. I’m sorry I made you.” I turned my car around on the road and returned to my attic room where I was living. I’ve never used since that time.

With a dreadful rebuke the Lord struck me: I’m sorry I made you. This was what He said at the time of Noah over the whole world: and the Lord looked down on the whole earth and He saw that the thoughts of men’s hearts fashioned nothing but wickedness all day long. The Lord God said, “I will destroy everything with breath in its nose for I regret having made them.” That frightful rebuke, “I’m sorry I made you”, plunged me into daily depressions and daily anxieties for week after week. I hid in my room day after day and all the defects of my soul rose to the surface of my mind, like gas from a poisoned sewer; resentments, hatreds, and these became worse than the addiction had been.

My whole soul was sick with hate. I hated those who had hurt me. As I lifted the Sacred Host at Holy Mass, I would see their faces in it; I was possessed by hate and every day after Holy Mass, I hid in my attic room all day, possessed and unable to drive out the demon, and desperately wanting for the pain to stop.

The day came however when I heard it, a still small voice; ‘be willing’ it said, ‘be willing to have me remove this demon.’ Lord, I prayed, remove this demon from me, this poisonous hate, and the Lord did so and so it was and is. Blessed be the name of the Lord.