ADHD Dude

You say no. Your ADHD child explodes.

So you start softening, explaining, or delaying it, because the reaction feels worse than the decision. That's not permissiveness. That's a pattern that isn't working.

For kids with ADHD, hearing no is hard because their cognitive flexibility is underdeveloped. This is a core executive function skill that kids can develop. n.

The fix isn't to stop saying no. It's about building a structure around it ("pre-steps that include expectations for behavior/cooperation and how family members are treated), using "affective calmness", avoiding getting pulled into the argument/reasoning/negotiation vortex, and not giving attention or emotional reactivity to emotional dysregulation, which fuels it.

That's what ADHD Dude's Parent Behavior Training walks you through step-by-step (Capable & Confident for ages 4 to 7, Scaffolding Better Behavior for ages 8 and up, and the Creating Daily Expectations courses).

You're not asking your child to change, threatening punishments, or having an unrealistic expectation that your child's behavior will change through therapy.

What you will learn is to change how you respond to their behavior, so they can learn how capable they are. See the Parent Behavior Training sequence for your child's ages in the comments section.