A Quality-Focused Life

For anyone else who may have woken up randomly at 330am this morning feeling guilty for not visiting a loved one’s grave yesterday, even though the thought of actually going itself is triggering even after almost 17 years, hear me say this… they are not there. A visit to the cemetery should be for you: to remember, to reflect, to pay respect. Truth be told, you probably do this every single day without needing a holiday or other prompting, as their memory is intertwined in everything you do and who you have become.

You do NOT have to visit their grave to respect and honor them. They will not be disappointed or miss your visit. You are not dishonoring them, saying they didn’t matter, or that their absence isn’t felt every single day since they’ve been gone.

So let that s**t go.

Remember them in ways that bring you closer to healing not further away from it.

Grief is a crazy thing. ❤️‍🩹

Great thoughts on National Medical Decisions Day

We can’t see ourselves as being dead. Other people die, not me or anyone close to me is what we think about end of life. Also, if I think about my death or dying then that means I will die, maybe it is a premonition, maybe thinking about it will make it happen! We have all sorts of fears around dying and death so we keep thoughts of end of life at bay. We are like ostriches who bury their heads in the sand thinking no one will see them; we don’t address end of life issues. We think death will not happen to us.
What will happen to us if we don’t outline how we want our dying experience to be (detailed in an Advance Directive) is that we will probably die in a hospital, with broken ribs from having our heart stop and CPR given, on a ventilator breathing for us, our body probably non responsive to what is going on around and about us, food being given to us through a tube in our stomach or an IV in our arm, a catheter in our bladder and someone cleaning the p**p from our behind.—Not a pretty picture. Not how most of us envision the end of our life.
If doctors can fix my ailing body, can return me to some semblance of activity and quality then by all means lets try BUT don’t get me to the place I described above. That is why I have an Advance Directive. With an Advance Directive if my body can’t be fixed I want to go home to my bedroom, with my cats on my own bed, my family coming and going, the activities of living all around me until I close my eyes and don’t wake up.
These are my thoughts on National Healthcare Decisions Day. Let’s make our decisions- today!

Many view a chronic diagnosis as a battle to fight.

"He's such a fighter!"
"This disease will not win!"
"He's been battling this for years now! He's so strong!"

Though this narrative sounds powerful and positive, what happens if or when things take a turn and the daily suffering and overcoming begins to feel too much to bear?

To not fight, to not "be a fighter " to choose hospice care means what?

To give up?
To lose?
To become weak?

Many facing progressive disease and end of life worry more about the ones they leave behind than dying itself. They don't want to "give up" and cause additional suffering for their loved ones, be seen as weak, or sacrifice precious time.

Be it from chronic or progressive disease or some other cause, we are all on the same road leading to death. We all simply walk at a different pace.

Making the goal to live A Quality-Focused Life, where we continue to do all the things to cure or manage the disease filled with hope and expectation, but elevating, appreciating, and living presently day to day, knowing that the end can come anytime for any of us could be a better focus.

Something to think about.

RIP Toby Keith

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