Ian Waugh - Genuine Relating

In a relationship with an addict? Then your relationship is adjusting itself around the addiction. The addiction becomes the driver of the bus and everyone's adjusting their behaviours to meet the requirements of the addiction.

From relationally stoned to relational distress

When couples first come into couples therapy, they’re usually experiencing relational distress. Which is a dance between contact and rupture. People generally do the contact really well.

In the early days of the relationship it feels really good - the hormones are running and they’re relationally stoned

And then as they get to know each other, the underlying, unfinished relational business from the past starts surfacing, and the relationship goes into distress and rupture.
The rupture is a painful process.

It brings up resentment, anger and angst, and it can be hard to find your way back to connection.

Relationships are a dance of rupture, connect, rupture and connect. But once we learn how to get this flow back into the relationship, the relationship can then move forward.

Dealing with relational distress requires building safety.

When we feel unsafe, our brain's fight-flight responses activate, and past distresses get triggered. Instead of blaming others and seeking external change, let's focus on creating a supportive container for the relationship, addressing unmet needs from the past.

Genuine Relating involves recognising unmet needs and learning to articulate them.
It's about finding our voice, seeking to be heard and seen, instead of seeking external solutions.

Childhood experiences and life's bumps can repeat in relationships, but clear communication helps build safety and intimacy.