Coherence Group

Life. It throws a whole lot of choices at you.

Sometimes those choices seem clear and the path is steady. Other times, not so much.

In my life when I/ see an increase in tension, stress and tiredness - I know something deeper needs to be addressed.

But what?

Emerging the keys to calm is a skill - what I have noticed is that calming activities like breathing, yoga and walking - isn't enough.

If something in your foundation is "wonky", that is the equivalent of slapping on a coat of paint over a mouldy wall... that mould will keep coming through. I know, cause I slapped that paint on for many years till I realised that the "deep work" I was doing, wasn't quite deep enough. and I knew this because nothing really changed. It was all short term change. I wanted more. And I found it by applying values. d'oh. but REALLY applying them. More than in name.

Working on your values in your work life has become widely accepted. And what about just for you? Your life?

Knowing how to apply values to your thinking and choices brings a calm and directed focus back to life - it is the missing ingredient in your soothing activities - it joins high performance with that steady feeling of inner confidence. In this way, I would call this a spiritual approach to your work and life - systematically applying a more successful foundation through your values, so that you can rocket forward. And stay forward propelled. This is what high performance is about, in my view.

I love the application of spiritual counselling to these "un-solvable" life dilemmas. Spiritual counselling intervenes in a person's thought process giving an understanding of the origins of their actions and reactions. It offers another belief system to dealing with life's issues.

This is the way back to calm - going right to the heart of the matter. Checking your belief system which is the foundation of your choices and outcomes. Leading in your life with values, not just in your work.

Difficult conversations.

I was walking with a friend (a senior leader) and she was moan-plaining about pre-work for an offsite she is to attend. Her frustration? A situational question about a tricky conversation and how to handle it. Rolling her eyes she said "I'm not answering it - the answer is simple. Just tell the person the truth".

I laughed. because she is right. But people don't. Tell the truth, that is.

There's reasons of course - politeness, avoidance, fear, past experience etc etc etc.....

The reason that often comes up is that people don't know what to say. They don't know where to start. Sometimes they have not even spent much time with the person, or aren't clear themselves what the truth is. Here's a process I took an executive through this morning in a coaching conversation to get that first step clear.

What needs saying.

firstly, figure out - how clear are you about what is actually happening? and how clear are they? do you both have the same understanding? mark this out of 100 - the conversation becomes clear

then - how clear are you about the impact, on you, them, customers, colleagues. would they agree with that? do they even know? mark each out of 100

finally - what do you expect to happen next. what are the three changes you expect to see as evidence they have understood and are acting on your conversation? (this is the one most people miss - if you don't know they can't change). Do they see it the same way? mark out of 100

ok so now you have to actually talk - and at least you know what to be honest about.

love to hear your methods to prep for tough conversations - and if you "need to talk" - DM me