Kristen Scott Music

“I Feel Nothing, Nothing at All” was written from the deepest parts of my grief, trauma, confusion and heartbreak after losing my husband to su***de. Writing became the only way I could process my emotions that were too overwhelming and complicated to explain.

After su***de loss there are so many emotions that exist all at once, sadness, anger, guilt, shock, fear, confusion, numbness, denial, love, abandonment and unanswered questions that never truly leave you.

One moment you feel compassion for the pain your loved one must have been experiencing and the next moment you feel angry that they did this. These are feelings many survivors carry silently because they are afraid of being judged.

I wrote this song because I wanted to break that silence and to just put the rawness of it all out there and for the reality of it all to be seen.

So many people who lose someone to su***de feel pressure to hide their vulnerability. People ask questions like, “How did you not know?” or “Were there signs?” and that can leave survivors carrying unbearable guilt on top of unimaginable grief. I know what it feels like to replay every moment in your mind searching for answers that may never come. I know what it feels like to feel emotionally exhausted, disconnected, and unable to explain the chaos happening inside your own mind.

I’m so grateful I found the strength to write and film this song, so that maybe it can help others. You’re not alone in this.

***deloss