Comfy Couch Psychology

When children have a felt sense of threat, they will flock to their important adults. This is normal and healthy and it’s how they stay safe.

It’s not a sign of breakage, but a call for support. That ‘support’ will look different depending on whether this is a time for safety or a time for courage. Often, the hardest part as their important adults is knowing the difference.

When anxiety happens in response to a real threat (scary dangerous), ‘support’ will look like us moving them to safety. But, when anxiety happens in response to things that are hard, new, brave or important (scary safe), this support will look like us sending them signals of safety and confidence in their capacity to cope. It will look like us letting them know that we see them, we believe in them, and opening the way for them to be just a little bit braver than last time - and it only needs to be just a little bit.

In those moments, children are asking two things. The first is, ‘Do you see me and do you understand why this doesn’t feel okay?’ This is where we call on the power of validation. Meet them with the same intensity of energy they are feeling, but stay regulated: ‘It’s hard being away from home isn’t it! I feel like that too sometimes.’ Let your nonverbals match this - your voice, your face, your posture and movements. Sometimes you don’t need any words at all. Just feel what they feel. They’ll know that you get it.

The second question is, ‘Do you think I’ll be okay?’ This is where they are looking to feel our confidence in them: ‘I know you can do this.’ We aren’t saying everything will sparkle for them. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t (yet). As long as they are safe, what we are saying is that they can cope. They are safe, and they can do this. It might be messy and hard, but that’s how brave things feel sometimes. The path towards building brave almost always feels like this. That’s because ‘brave’ isn’t about outcome. It’s about process. It’s about staying with the anxiety for long enough to strengthen their bravery muscles just a little bit more. It rarely feels like certainty. Most often it will feel small, or fragile, or unsure. That’s what makes it brave.♥️

Father's Day and other family-focused days can be triggering for those who have challenging relationships or experiences with their family of origin.

Families don't have to be an F word - you get to create your own. Who is in your chosen family?

This gorgeous illustration is by Elise Gravel - English and can be downloaded (alongside lots of other great posters) here: http://elisegravel.com/en/livres/free-printable-stuff/

As we all know there are currently wild fires occurring in Alberta. These fires have forced many families out of their homes. Natural disasters provide us with opportunities to help one another. Here are some resources to aid :)