Deanne Dillon Coaching

Listening for a growth or fixed mindset, is something we learn to do as coaches. Even if we don't talk directly about this concept with our clients, we can hear it in how they tell parts of their story, describe parts of their career journey or talk about their various skills and strengths (I say parts to emphasize that most of us have a mix of fixed and growth mindsets). We can help shift others towards a more growth-oriented mindset by asking questions that reinforce the notion that growth is always possible and with effort, there will be learning and improvement. I sometimes use questions like What do you want to get better at (vs achieve)? What skill do you most want to strengthen? What did you learn from that other experience that you can apply to this?
This short article by the Neuroleadership Institute has some great tips about how to recognize and make the shift.

So You Have a Fixed Mindset — Here’s What to Do About It If you feel stuck, you may have a fixed mindset about growth mindset itself. Here's how to shift your thinking.

This post reminded me of a belief some of my clients have shared with me. They believe they cannot be authentic and continue to climb the corporate ladder. They sometimes assume being authentic means sharing their every thought and opinion on every matter.
However, you can be an authentic leader who is also politically savvy. It takes courage to give a voice to what you most value and it takes discipline to let the small things go without comment.
If it’s not core to your values and if no one is getting hurt by it, it might be your wisest choice to resist the urge to express your half baked opinion and just listen.

I like easy to remember acronyms for useful concepts. I recently read Henry Cloud’s book, Boundaries for Leaders, where he gives his take on the “three P thinking” from renowned psychologist Martin Seligman.

Three P stands for Personal, Pervasive and Permanent:

1. Personal: personalizing thought or statement such as I am a failure. I cannot. I am not. I am always.
2. Pervasive: overgeneralizing negative thoughts regarding incidents or events in one domain of your life - Nothing in my life is going well. No one cares about me. My whole career is a disaster.
3. Permanent: thinking that things are stable, unchanging, and permanent. Thoughts like - I will never succeed. I will always struggle to… There will never be another opportunity to….

We become immobilized and unable to act with these kinds of thought distortions. While identifying actual obstacles and strategizing on ways to address them can be quite useful, “three P thinking” inflates the obstacles and overwhelms us. However, if we can notice ourselves having these kinds of thoughts, we can bring them out into the open and challenge them. Cloud talks about how leaders in organizations need to put boundaries around this kind of negative thinking within themselves and also within whole teams.

When we confront our “three P thinking” we gain clarity and perspective. The moment we shift our thinking away from the personal, pervasive, and permanent and focus on where in the situation we have some control, we give ourselves options and suddenly there is a menu of choices available to us for actions we can take (Cloud calls this “find-a-way” thinking). While we can never be sure of the outcome, we can at least greatly increase our chances of success when we engage in creative and action-oriented thinking that helps move us forward. If you are not sure if you have “three P thinking” ask a trusted friend, or colleague or enlist the help of a professional coach. You might be surprised about thought traps that are so habitual, that they go unnoticed and are hampering your leadership and personal effectiveness and even your well-being.

When do you find yourself falling into a three P thinking trap?