Creative Connected Parenting

Well, it's been a minute, hasn't it? My life, like yours, has been on the spin cycle lately. When I've been hanging by a thread and my family is depending on me to make sense of the madness, I try to come back to what I've learned from Dayna Abraham, so I want to give you the chance to try it out too. She's offering a Mastering Meltdowns workshop for the first time in a while, and you can sign up here: [email protected]" rel="ugc" target="_blank">https://calmthechaosworkshop.com/meltdown-mastery/?affiliateidmm=[email protected]
I've been a member since the very first wobbly version, and over the years it's been refined to meet every worry, question and challenge. The amount of expertise and dedication poured into this resource is staggering. I mean, I've read a LOT of books and research papers on kids and behaviour, but Dayna has captured the essence of connected parenting and made it actually workable. I really hope you dive in and soak it up!

Meltdown Mastery Workshop Discover how to handle meltdowns, tantrums and outbursts without losing your cool.

Words can trap us or set us free. Take "disability" for instance. If my community expects me to perform in a way that is painful or unfeasible for me, 😞 then I must either:
▪️ struggle to keep up appearances
▪️ accept my differences and look for ways to adapt
▪️ push back against those expectations
▪️ drop out and stop trying

If I pretend to be just like everyone else, I will inevitably fall short and burn out 😣. For me, the term "disability" is a way to describe the way I'm interacting my community's expectations.

If those expectations were to change or the barriers removed, then my differences would remain but the "disability" would disappear.

Being "disabled" means there's a gap between expectations, accommodations, and the resources I have right now. The word "disabled" doesn't tell the whole story, but it acknowledges a part of my experience, my body and my environment.

I'm thankful for the word "disabled". 🙏🏼

"Disorder" sounds like an ugly word to me, though. ⚠️ It describes a permanent "problem" or a "flaw," and where is the problem? It's inside me. It sounds like an illness 🤒. How can a "personality" be disordered, like a blood disorder or connective tissue disorder? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I can't get comfortable with that.

How about you? Are there labels that you wear with pride, and others that make you cringe?

We can always use more kindness 💖. One kind thing we can do is replace stigmatizing terms with more inclusive language. 💬

There is still stigma around both neurodiversity, disability and mental health. I still hear people trying to use terms like "differently-abled" or "handi-capable" to avoid saying "disabled".

As we become more aware of these terms, we can be more mindful and compassionate in how we choose our words. We can help destigmatize conditions.

What are some of the replacements you’ve been using?

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Children who have disruptive and challenging behaviour are still whole, complex, and full of amazing potential.

They have specific needs and struggles, and when those children get the right kind of help, they can start to express their gifts and interests in a much healthier way.

In different contexts, your child's behaviour could be interpreted as determined, creative, passionate, independent, and brave. The world needs rebels, free-thinkers, warriors, and leaders.

Fortunately, behaviour happens one moment at a time. If you pick up a copy of my book, The Parent’s Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder: Your Questions Answered, you will see opportunities to make a significant difference in your child's behaviour and his or her life.

Have you read it? If so, let me know if any of the exercises or insights have helped bring out the gifts in your child.

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Some children struggle with expressing how they feel and what they need. Which of these do you think your child’s emotional self-regulation is affected by?
A) How well-behaved they are
B) Parental warmth
C) Parental responsiveness to your child’s distress

If you answered B and C, then your answers match up with findings by Daelmans and Martines for The World Health Organization.

Your child’s emotional self-regulation improves as they grow. You can support them with your warmth and responsiveness. It has less to do with how “good” or “behaved” they are. Thoughts?

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Behaviour therapists often tell me that they understand the importance of
⭐ Listening
⭐ Validating
⭐ Caring

but they feel unsure in their practice because their course work focused on technical skills and theory. Formal training in empathy and rapport-building would make these brilliant people even more effective.

Share below if there's anything else you wish you had learned in school ⤵️

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Do you have a favourite parenting podcast or do you host one? 🎙️❤️ Name or tag them below! ⤵️

Image credit: AILes from Pixabay

Not all trauma-related behaviour is intensely disruptive or emotionally heated. You might notice the effects of trauma come to the surface when a child attempts to avoid a difficult situation or seeks a distraction from anxious thoughts.

A trauma-informed approach to behaviour does not rely on pressuring or ignoring a child who is in distress. Instead, parents and therapists can help children to build coping skills and handle anxious thoughts in a healthier way.

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