Beanstalk Behaviour Consulting

Giving choices can be tricky. Here are some ideas for when it becomes more complex.

In Choice Theory for boundaries we offer two options for how, while holding the what. How the tv gets turned off (by you or me) is a choice. We aren’t discussing whether or not it will.

So what happens when you provide two choices and your child yells no? Pause and breathe because you’ll likely be triggered. Maybe you were expecting them to just follow along and calmly choose or perhaps when they yelled no it triggered an authoritative/obedient parenting narrative that you have.

Connect first. Ask yourself, why are they upset. Then you can truly empathize with what is driving the behavior. They are allowed to feel hard things. They’re allowed to be bummed about the boundary or disappointed that they have to stop what they’re doing before they want to. Those are feelings they’ll feel for the rest of their lives. The goal isn’t that they’re happy, it’s that they know you understand where they’re coming from and trust that when you say something you mean it.

What challenges come up for you in setting a boundary with two choices? What triggers do you experience?