Guido Rizieri

If you had to grow up on your own, sooner than normal, and without support - you most likely will resent having to take care of yourself as an adult. That inner child is still there and what happened wasn't right.

Boundaries are extremely hard for a complex trauma survivor, because it's automatic responses aren't there, emotional signals are all over the place, and often, tremendous fear and guilt show up when they have to or are about to set a boundary.

The worst part of it is the internal gaslighting that makes doing something scary even harder, by telling them "they weren't really disrespected" "they didn't deserve it" - the internalized voice of the trauma or abuse. Imagining being attacked, gaslighted and abused, or rather, expecting that response, and having to face it internally is extremely draining. That's why often the easiest or only option available depending on the level of energy at their disposal, is to leave the situation. And the only thing you can do to enforce a boundary is to walk away, disengage. And that can mean huge loss, if it is a long-term friendship, a relationship, or a job. It's hard. Have compassion for yourself and support yourself in your bravery.

... which amounts to the same, that's a subconscious way to "abandon them" before they can abandon you. It's really strongly wired in our defense mechanisms, developed to protect us from abandonment.

It is very difficult to deal with the pain of abandonment, because it fuelled at some point a belief that "we are not worth loving, or staying with". That we are not good enough, and that belief is a terrifying monster lurking in our subconscious. That is what makes the pain of abandonment unbearable, and fuels the FEAR of being abandonment, which in turns backs all of our protective behaviours and copying mechanisms. One of which is abandoning people at the slightest sign of rejection...

The solution, as usual is the work on the inner child and the core beliefs, letting go of hurt fear and pain, and build a new belief of being "good enough" no matter what other people do.