Woven Roots Therapeutic Practice

✨ ADHD, Camouflaging, and the Girls We Meet in the Playroom

There is a growing understanding that many neurodivergent girls don’t always look like we expect.

Instead of being visibly impulsive or disruptive, they are often:
🌿 adapting
🌿 attuning
🌿 working hard to stay connected and accepted

This is often described as camouflaging — using strategies to mask or compensate for differences in order to meet social expectations 

🧠 A neurodiversity-affirming reframe

Camouflaging is not a deficit.
It is a highly intelligent, relational adaptation.

A child’s nervous system is asking:
👉 “What do I need to do to belong here?”

And the child responds accordingly.

As Brené Brown reminds us:
“Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted.
Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.”

🌊 When we view this through a trauma-informed lens

We might understand camouflaging as:
• A response to felt or anticipated relational threat
• A way of maintaining connection over authenticity
• A nervous system strategy rooted in safety, not performance

For some children, especially those who have experienced rupture, inconsistency, or misunderstanding,
being fully seen has not always felt safe.

🎭 How this can show up in the playroom

Not always as “ADHD” in the traditional sense, but as:
• Perfectionism or over-efforting
• Careful rule-following or compliance
• Social monitoring before engaging
• A split between inside feelings and outside presentation
• Emotional release once the holding becomes too much

💔 The hidden cost

Research suggests that long-term camouflaging can be linked to:
• Increased emotional distress
• Lower wellbeing
• A sense of disconnection from self 

Not because the child is “failing”…
but because they have been working so hard for so long.

🌱 The role of play therapy

Within a child-centred, relational space, we offer something different:

✨ A place where nothing needs to be hidden
✨ Where behaviour is understood as communication
✨ Where the child’s way of being is not corrected, but welcomed

We might gently communicate:

“You don’t have to work so hard to be accepted here.”
“All parts of you are allowed.”

Sometimes the child who appears “fine”
is the one doing the most invisible labour.

And sometimes, play becomes the first place
where that labour can be laid down.

blob:

research.ebsco.com

“I think as a society, as a country, we have a big responsibility for supporting parents, for making sure that they do have the resources to support themselves and their children. And so that was a large part of why there was the emphasis on characteristics, in particular, on poverty for us, was to almost hold government accountable, that actually that is still an issue and that still needs to be supported.”

From Taking Action: Taking Action with the real David Cameron and Louise Marryat, Researcher, 5 Dec 2025
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/taking-action/id1829495392?i=1000739831261&r=626
This material may be protected by copyright.

Taking Action with the real David Cameron and Louise Marryat, Researcher Podcast Episode · Taking Action · 5 December 2025 · 33m

🌿 ACEs and Attachment: Why Relationships Matter

A powerful insight emerging from research on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and attachment theory is that they are deeply connected. Both fields highlight a simple but profound truth:

Children develop best through warm, responsive relationships with adults.

The article by Suzanne Zeedyk and Simon Partridge traces how these two areas of science overlap and how Scotland has been engaging with this knowledge.

Some key points:

✨ ACEs research shows how early adversity affects lifelong health and wellbeing
Experiences such as abuse, neglect, domestic violence, or parental mental health difficulties can influence physical health, emotional regulation, and relationships across the lifespan.

✨ Attachment science explains why relationships are protective
Beginning with the work of John Bowlby, attachment theory shows that children need consistent, emotionally attuned caregivers in order to develop secure emotional foundations.

✨ ACEs and attachment share common language and ideas
Although they emerged decades apart (attachment theory in the 1930s and ACEs research in the 1990s), both emphasise the importance of safety, connection, and responsive caregiving.

✨ Scotland’s ACEs movement grew rapidly after 2017
There has been a national effort to bring trauma-informed understanding into education, health, social care, and community services.

✨ The core message is relational
The most powerful buffer against adversity is not programmes or policies alone — it is relationships with caring adults.

For those working with children, this research reinforces something many practitioners see daily:

Children grow, regulate, and heal within relationships that feel safe, predictable, and emotionally attuned.

📚 Zeedyk, S., & Partridge, S. (2023). The sciences of ACEs and attachment: Insights into their shared history in Scotland and beyond.
https://connectedbaby.net/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/ACEs-Journey-Article-.pdf