The Perfect Verse

Linny’s lament
(or ‘When the squirrel ate my strawberries’)

When squirrels ate my strawberries I was very, very cross,
I know that in the scheme of things, ‘twas no earth-shattering loss
BUT………
I’d tended them and watered them and treated them with care.
I’d watched them grow, and then turn red- and they were O so fair!
I nestled them and nurtured them and showered them with love,
Looked forward to the taste of them like nectar from above!

O Strawberries, O strawberries!
Your smell, your taste, your look-
Now lost to me- damn squirrel thieves
You know not what you took!

So, I will place a little plaque
To mourn my berries red,
And I’ll not brook the callous friend
Who laughed that they were dead!
But I will wave them in her face
When soon the next ones grow,
And leave her to her raspberries
That blackbirds fancy so!

Parody of Rudyard Kipling's 'IF' for a retiring teacher

If you can dream your pupils better, smarter,
Than others in the school that we won’t name!
If you can meet with MPs and Inspectors,
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can keep it calm and wheels still turning
Not worry when the sprinklers get things wet;
Not panic when the staff-room is what’s burning,
Not the great ambition of the bottom set!

The cat sits on the fence to watch the birdie walking by
He licks his lips and tries to pounce before it starts to fly
But in his haste he does forget he's high above the ground
And misses but recovers quick with dignity refound!

To thank a member of a village community

The meetings in her kitchen are legendry and sweet
And the coffee-morning circuit needs Anne to make her treats.
Where would the village ever get their great supply of jam
If Anne was sitting down and not stirring the jam-pan?