worldflow

Happy Friday !!

Best 15 one-liners - Fringe 2015

1. "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free" - Darren Walsh

2. "Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West" - Stewart Francis

3. "Surely every car is a people carrier?" - Adam Hess

4. "What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter" - Masai Graham

5. "If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn't go" - Dave Green

6. "Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas" - Mark Nelson

7. "Red sky at night. Shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night. Day" - Tom Parry

8. "The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves" - Alun Cochrane

9. "Clowns divorce. Custardy battle" - Simon Munnery

10. "They're always telling me to live my dreams. But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for..." - Grace The Child

11. "I never lie on my CV…because it creases it." - Jenny Collier

12. "If you don't know what introspection is you need to take a long, hard look at yourself" - Ian Smith

13. "I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time" - Tom Ward

14. "Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't" - Gyles Brandreth

15. "Let me tell you a little about myself. It's a reflexive pronoun that means 'me'" - Ally Houston

Happy Friday!!

Best 15 Fringe one-liners - 2016

1. "My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart" - Masai Graham

2. "Why is it old people say "there's no place like home", yet when you put them in one…" - Stuart Mitchell

3. "I've been happily married for four years - out of a total of 10" - Mark Watson

4. "Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit" - Mark Smith

5. "I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn't much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer… came second" - Will Duggan

6. "Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated" - Tiff Stevenson

7. "I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words" - Gary Delaney

8. "Why is Henry's wife covered in tooth marks? Because he's Tudor" - Adele Cliff
9. "Don't you hate it when people assume you're rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?" - Annie McGrath

10. "Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask" - Jordan Brookes

11. "Hillary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first" - Michelle Wolf

12. "I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound" - Roger Swift

13. "Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer" - Arthur Smith

14. "I'll tell you what's unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses" - Zoe Lyons

15. "Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word" - Phil Nicol

Happy Friday !!

Top 10 one-liners - Fringe 2012

1. "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks." - Stewart Francis

2. "Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. " - Tim Vine

3. "I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister." - Will Marsh

4. "You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case." - Rob Beckett

5. "I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don't know Y." - Chris Turner

6."I took part in the sun tanning Olympics - I just got Bronze." - Tim Vine

7. "Po*******hy is often frowned upon, but that's only because I'm concentrating." - George Ryegold

8. "I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!" - Stewart Francis

9. "I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: 'It's not rocket salad." - Lou Sanders

10. "My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism… she wouldn't fancy her chances." - Nish Kumar