LidiaBabenko

Narcissism -
A very "fashionable diagnosis" these days, similar to a sentence often given out by professionals and everyone in a row who does not meet the "boundaries" in a relationship.
But what's behind it?

5 problems of narcissists you didn't know about.
How is the world of narcissistic people?

- Unstable self esteem
Externally confident, in reality narcissists rarely suffer from emotional swings. Hypertrophic perfectionism in one's own personality causes these people to admire themselves and their achievements, or, on the contrary, to hate the reflection in the mirror. The narcissist’s self-esteem is completely unstable, which makes him dependent on the approval of others. That is, such a person cannot even perceive his successes soundly, because the main criteria for him is someone else's assessment. It's hard to guess this is a failed scheme.

"Deep down we want to be accepted by people. To be with them in a good relationship. We want to love and be loved. But on the way to this, we are sharpened by the power of slow-motion — our feeling unworthy of it all. Because we are not at the top of the pyramid of social success that all social networks are full of, we feel worthless and incomplete. Almost every narcissist is afraid - what if everyone found out that we are nothing of ourselves? Because our own achievements seem insufficient for us to legally consider ourselves normal."

- Forced isolation
Attempts to become the best, unique, to stay on top of Olympus traditionally lead narcissists to loneliness. It is widely spread opinion that such people are arrogant snobs. But this is not their only problem that leads to isolation.

Narcissists cannot hear anyone but themselves. They're so absorbed in maintaining the status quo that they just can't see anything around them. All they care about is recognition. And ironically, the more narcissist focuses on himself, the faster he distances himself from society and plunges himself into non-voluntary isolation.

"The narcissist moves alone." He seems to be okay with it and he's quite pleased with his independent position. Isolation from people, the distance is everything about him... But if y’all only knew how much pain his inability to be in a relationship and feel uncomfortable in them is causing him. His childhood experience of unwantedness and abandonment is the organizing fantasy he lives with all his life. No one needs a narcissist inside her. No one cares about his feelings, opinions and judgments, no matter how important and intelligent he tries to be."

- Impersonator syndrome
Many suffer from the notorious syndrome. Uncertainty in one's competence, doubts in one's own successes - all of these greatly poison one's life. But in the case of narcissists, things are much more difficult. After all, to combine at the same time a firm confidence in your own uniqueness and an awareness of your complete insignificance is not easy, even painful. That's why the impostor syndrome is more painful in such people than in any of us.

“On the one hand, the narcissist does not feel worthy, knowledgeable and professional despite any merit, experience and recognition. He was nothing inside himself, but he remains the same despite having four diplomas, a scientific degree, several monographs, a state award and respect from his colleagues. On the other hand, the narcissist evaluates himself and his results on the basis of some incredible and incomprehensible criteria that either truly cannot be met at all or requires a special degree of gift, which most of us do not have."

- Inability to enjoy life
Narcissists chase after a ghostly ideal, try to maintain the illusion of their uniqueness, they face loneliness. All of this takes a lot of effort. Such people have no time or energy left to live a full life. The ability to enjoy little things, enjoy the moment, in short, do everything that others do is also missing. "I don't like beautiful sunsets, honestly, when the most important peaks have not yet been conquered," - such logic haunts narcissists. And the trap of this position is that the end of the race is not foreseeable, one victory will require another, and a third. In other words, this song will be eternal.

"Pleasure will distract the narcissist from improving and moving upward. And any stop is a waste of time that could've been spent more efficiently. Any relaxation is freedom and slipping into the masses of ordinary people. And these are narcissists' worst nightmares! »

- Denial of reality
Each of us has made mistakes at least once in our lives and taken the wrong path. But if many people are motivated by their mistakes, then it is much more difficult to deal with narcissists. The thing is that they cannot admit their wrongs even to themselves, which means they can avoid failures later on. I wonder, can an exceptional, unique and the best person do anything wrong? This is why narcissists deny reality, preferring to live in their own perfect world, from which they sometimes simply cannot escape.

“This doesn’t mean that non-narcissistic people don’t suffer from the fact that they’ve failed and they haven’t done anything.” They are suffering and how! Crying, sad, angry and then again in the circle. Everyone has a hard time going through loss, divorce, failure. The narcissist can’t have that. Because the risk is too great for his psyche. It is better to save strength in the fight against circumstances, but not to admit your own powerlessness."

From the book of a psychologist
Yulia Pirumova
Fragile people