FlowRelating

Practice of Acceptance

Accepting others as they are is one of the most transformative things we can do in relationships. But it’s also one of the hardest.

When someone’s behavior feels hurtful, confusing, or disappointing, our minds go into overdrive:
• “Why would they say that?”
• “What does that mean about me?”
• “Why can’t they just show up differently?”

Here are a few reasons why we struggle to accept others:

1. We don’t see their positive intention or context.
Even unhealthy behaviors often come from pain, fear, or protection. Without understanding the “why” behind someone’s actions, it’s easy to judge or reject.

2. We personalize their behavior.
We make their inconsistency, distance, or outburst mean something about us — our worth, our lovability, or our failure to be “enough.”

3. We are outsourcing a need we don’t yet know how to meet in ourselves.
The more we rely on someone else for validation, emotional safety, or clarity, the harder it is to accept them — because we need them to change so we can feel okay.

Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement.
It means: “I see that you are who you are, and I don’t need to fight with that truth.”

From that place of clarity, we can make conscious choices — to stay, to set boundaries, or to step back.

Tell me: Where do you still resist who someone is?

FREE Attachment Theory MeetUp

Join us for a casual meetup to discuss Attachment Theory, an area of psychology that explores how early relationships with caregivers can shape our behaviors and emotions in adult relationships.

We will gather at Lebkov & Sons in Rotterdam on Sunday 13th of October at 11:00 AM to chat and share our experiences and insights about attachment theory. Each month, we dive into a different aspect of Attachment Theory, offering new perspectives and discussions.

Sign up here: https://www.meetup.com/rotterdam-attachment-theory-coaching-meetup-group/events/303173745/

This is a great opportunity to meet like-minded individuals, network, and learn from each other. There is no need to have any prior knowledge of attachment theory to attend.

We look forward to seeing you there!

- Sarah

Certified Integrated Attachment Coach

They were never properly loved and all three found their unique way of dealing with it. Asking for more, or denying that they need it at all.

When you want to discuss a difficult topic with someone, whether it is conflict resolution or you just needing to share vulnerably use this conscious communication triangle.

1. Understand their situation and validate their feelings and needs.
2. Ask them if they're open to hearing your perspective on the situation.
3. Share your interpretation, your feelings, and needs.
NOTE: Take responsibility for your feelings and needs, i.e. say 'I feel ...' NOT 'you make me feel...'.
4. Come together and strategize for a collective solution.

In almost all situations this way of communicating will lead to a happy resolution for both sides. Let me know how this works out for you!

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood" - Stephen Covey