Poetic M.D.

“Ready na kami kung mawala sya,” the husband said angrily.

Her wife had two cancer, she survived the breast cancer, but later on developed ovarian cancer which led into many complications. In her last few days in the hospital, she was with her husband and daughter. During rounds, her husband would always remarked in an unkind manner. He would comment like, “parang wala naman ginagawa sa kanya,” or “bakit ganyan pa rin nangyayari sa kanya”.

One day, while her wife was awake and was listening to our questions and discussions with regards the current management, he said angrily “ready na kami kung mawala sya”, and he remained silent afterwards. Initially we might think what a harsh way of saying that in front of her wife, because would anyone be really ready for the lost of a loved one?

One thing I’ve learned in life is that sometimes anger is just a mask of a heart that is actually in pain. He always appeared angry and ungrateful. But he was always there beside her wife every time we made rounds, he would stood up to attend her simple needs. And at the back of my mind, I thought maybe it was his way of coping with the overwhelming feelings he has especially in knowing that his wife will soon passed away.

And so whenever I encounter someone who appears to be always angry, I’d think that maybe it’s just really a mask of a hurting heart. And when things are just beyond of what I could offer, I also remain silent and I pray to God to comfort his heart.

-Poetic M.D.

“Sorry po doctora, kalalaki kong tao umiiyak po ako.”

One afternoon during my outpatient clinic I had a 53 year-old male patient who came in due to episodes of palpitations which he experienced for almost a year now. He has no other comorbids, and no maintenance medications. He mentioned that he notices it during activity, but resolves at rest. However, he also related that it could just be an anxiety, that’s when he suddenly cried and apologized.

He said that ever since his wife got sick this year and became weak due to a heart condition, he was the one who had been taking care of their home. He quitted his job, and had commited himself in taking care of his wife and his disabled son. He has two children and the elder one serves as the breadwinner for them.

And for him everything seems so heavy. He also has no money. He feels hopeless and anxious about everything, about their health, about his family.

We don’t usually get to see an adult male who would cry in front of you and share his burden.
And I told him it’s okay to cry, because before he was a father, and a male, he is first a human being filled with emotions too. It also takes a great deal of courage to cry in front of a stranger, and told him that as a doctor I’ve cried a lot of times too. I told him, “Sir okay lang pong umiyak, kahit po ako umiiyak din.”

Just like how heavy clouds are in the sky, sometimes relief comes in by letting out waters to fall. My mentor also told be not to be shy or even apologetic when one feels like crying, because strong people cried.

The world we are living at the moment gives us so many reasons to cry especially if one also considers how poor the health care delivery system of our country; us doctors could only do as much.

It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be not okay at times. But we have to promise ourselves that we will move on, we will be stronger and we will get through the storm.

Have faith.

—Poetic M.D

Poetic M.D. Musings of a Medical Doctor