adri badillo

forever it is :)

this is what i see when i stand in front of a joan mitchell painting 👀🔍

joan mitchell (1925-1992) is my all-time favorite artist. i’m obsessed with her attitude toward art, and her style of painting has been hugely influential in the development of my own work.

she used color and gesture to express raw emotion. her paintings weren’t about how things looked, but how they felt. she once said, “i carry my landscapes around with me,” and that’s always stayed with me.

she believed painting should make you feel something—not explain something. it doesn’t need to tell a story or spell anything out, that really freed me. i used to feel stuck, like my work had to be deep or complex to matter. but sometimes i just want to paint something bright and beautiful because that’s what i want to feel. she made it feel okay to just follow what i already knew i wanted to paint, without needing it to mean something specific. sometimes i just want my work to be felt, not picked apart—and she did too.

the amount of paint, the layers on layers, the tiny details—her work truly has to be experienced in person. it’s always emotional for me. i can feel the intensity behind every stroke, every decision. i could stare at her paintings forever and still find something new. the way she applied paint makes it look so delicious—almost edible—which is something i’ve carried into my own work. i LOVE paint as a material and love letting its natural qualities shine.

the second painting i saw, Grandes Carrières (1961-62), had a huge impact on me—easily my favorite of hers i’ve seen in person so far. i kept circling back to it because it had an insane gravitational pull. it’s so rich—full of different paint applications and textures, with lower layers peeking through in the most magical ways. i’d give anything to feel what she was feeling when she painted it. it’s free, but balanced. densely packed in some areas and left almost bare in others… controlled chaos.

this is what i see—and feel—when i stand in front of a joan mitchell painting.

2025 is her centennial year:
happy 100th birthday joan 🤍

—

first painting:
‘Ladybug’
1957

second painting:
‘Grandes Carrières’
1961-62

i struggled with a pretty bad art block this past month.

exactly 10 years ago i was diagnosed with adhd, and the hardest part for me is executive dysfunction. it’s my brain’s struggle to start, organize, or finish tasks/projects—even when i want to. i have the motivation and intention, but i can’t bridge the gap between knowing and doing.

it’s like trying to switch channels on a tv with a remote that doesn’t have batteries. insanely frustrating.

it becomes a cycle of anxiety and defeat:
i feel stuck. then i feel anxious, guilty, and embarrassed. i start to spiral—forget to take my meds, get more overwhelmed, and sometimes end up in a depressive episode. then it repeats.

over the years, i’ve learned and tried a bunch of different strategies to break the cycle, but when i’m in the thick of it, it feels impossible.

what’s helped is noticing that sometimes, out of nowhere, i get a small, subtle pocket of clarity. i’ve learned to catch it when it shows up—to take that first little step. that’s when things slowly start falling back into place. especially when i remember my meds.

those moments of clarity are random. there’s nothing i can really pinpoint that causes them. so i’ve just learned to be patient and watch for them. i used to miss those windows, but i’m better at noticing them now.

this is where i’m at today—freshly out of the cycle, finding my rhythm again.

not yet, but soon (anemones), 2025.
acrylic on paper—8” x 10” (on 11” x 14” paper)

anemone flowers close their petals at night and have to wait until morning to open them again, which is why to many they are a symbol of anticipation.

we all have goals and dreams that we haven’t quite reached. it’s ok to acknowledge we’re not there yet, but we will be soon.

i’m trying to meet this anticipation for the future with confidence rather than fear and insecurity.

i want to meet this anticipation with the same certainty i feel with the sun. at night, i always know it will come up tomorrow.

thank you for the invitation and thank you all for the love and support i have received these past couple of days, it means the world 🫶🏼

for info about availability and other inquiries,
please email—💌 [email protected]

👀 detail of a work on paper i created for sabroso’s “papelón” group show tomorrow at 6 pm in santurce to celebrate the grand opening of their new gallery space 🍾🥂

truly honored to be showing alongside such an incredible group of artists ☺️💖