Psychologist Inna Tkach

I have met it in clients’ experiences and I have wanted to ask you: do you feel the differences between adequate effort and self-violence?🤨

👉 SELF-EFFORT differs from VIOLENCE by the presence of a PLEASURE from the activity itself and / or its results.
If you don’t feel the pleasure from your activity, you commit self-violence.
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A pleasure is marked with rough thoughts, sensations and feelings:
✅I want to do it
✅I see and feel a sense in my actions
✅I like doing what I do
✅I feel an important value in my activity
✅I am inspired by my actions
✅I am inspired by results that I'll get from my activity
✅I feel the joy of this action and / or the results of this action in my life
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😎Effort - it’s when you go out of your comfort zone and you know why you are doing it. It’s a will, it’s a choice. It’s adequacy and awareness of actions. The efforts are not excessive. And then you feel good. You are glad you did it. You feel self-esteem, pride in your successes.
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🧐You can check your condition after the committed actions, deeds.
If you have done smth what required adequate effort, the condition is likely to be good or you will feel only pleasant fatigue.
But if you have done smth with over-effort, most likely you will feel exhausted, irritated, unhappy, there will be unpleasant fatigue, a feeling of disgust.
Of course, due to different life circumstances, it is unlikely that we can completely avoid the state of unpleasant fatigue, it is important to understand why this happened, do you always need sacrifices on your part? And is it possible to somehow minimize self-violence in your life?
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❗️There are also three clear signs which help you to distinguish efforts against violence (and not only on yourself):

1️⃣Time.
If you tell yourself: «It's needed right now, right here, to be done over my head», when your current physical and emotional state and availability of resources don't matter, it is a violence. You don’t see and don’t consider yourself.
If you make efforts to achieve something, you give and take yourself as much time as you need, so that you can now move at your speed in the chosen direction.
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2️⃣Faith / confidence.
«What I’m doing right now is within my power».
You feel it like knowledge about your opportunities and reliance on these opportunities.
Imagine that you tell yourself: «Look, you’ve already begun! I know it’s hard, but! Your feet can move back and forth, you know how to keep your back straight, how to keep a balance, you have good focus on what you see and it means that you can go!»
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3️⃣Goodwill towards yourself.
All of these are impossible if inside yourself you humiliate yourself, devalue and fight with yourself at every step.
A huge amount of energy goes not for fighting for the desired, not for supporting yourself, but to endless beating and scourging yourself.
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🙏All of these signs and their absence can be seen not only in relation to yourself, but also in parent-child and partners relationships.
Every time, when you hear from other people «Move and do it! Right now! You never fulfill my expectations!» - this is it.
But now you know the right way which will lead you to effort and not violence😉