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(I take so many photos these days and am usually so busy I don't post things sometimes as fast as I'd like... that said I wanted to post these pictures and share my story of my experiences around the Memorial Service for Pete Skeris that I was lucky and grateful to be a part of.)

Pete Skeris, was a band leader of mine in a country band called ClearCut Country. I played drums for them for a good few years in the early 2000's when I moved back to my home state of Wisconsin.

Pete was not only a "boss" but a friend, confidant and mentor. Our band had such a long run and relative local success mainly due to Pete's leadership.

Upon joining the band I was asked to sign a document, a band Charter (penned by Pete) that simply stated what was expected of me and my mates what was not. A simple set of rules, laid out up front. I've been in more than a LOT of bands and was never handed a Charter before.

Pete Skeris booked us in bars statewide and at major festivals in Wisconsin such as CountryFest in Cadott, Country USA & The Hodag Festival in Rhinelander. We opened for national acts all three including Brooks & Dunn, Dwight Yoakam & Keith Urban to name a few.

If it weren't for the opportunity that was presented to me at the time I joined Pete's band and my own open-mindedness and willingness to play a style of music that I swore only a few years back "sucked", I'd have missed out on a whole hell of a lot of fun, memories and honing my skills on a "new" style of music.

What I discovered was my roots: an American style of music steeped in forms I knew - (Traditional) Blues, Folk, Bluegrass, Gospel...w/ other flavors of Cajun & Rockabilly, Rock more so with the modern stuff we were playing. What a richness! It inspired me to learn both the 5 string banjo & the mandolin. I found (and mimicked) the language of the fills the country drummers were using was unique in it's phrasing and melodic qualities; I'd never heard fills played quite so musically before except in jazz. But I digress....

Just Pete was also a forgiving soul. Believe it or not I have been known to test people’s patience. Looking back over my tenure as drummer for ClearCut Country there were several times where I probably deserved to be fired but was spared by Pete Skeris. Even when the band met it’s ultimate demise, which they all inevitably do… once the weight of the egos involved become too heavy to bear, charter or no. In this case, (surprisingly) there was a decision Pete had made that didn’t sit well with the rest of us so we parted ways with him. The remnant I clung to for a short time quickly disintegrated and just like that CCC was in the rearview.

Facebook has served to cut me some slack more than once with friends that I thought I had created enemies of with drug-fueled indiscretions & irresponsibility (in a past life) or more recently with mostly just irresponsibility. Some years passed & my rekindled relationship with Pete Skeris gratefully took this shape: one of kindness, forgiveness & no grudges held on his part for either real or imagined sins on mine. And so it went…

In the Spring of ’23 I heard of Pete's passing and of course one is struck by the suddenness of losing someone unexpectedly, but it never really sinks in fully right away. Sometimes the latest, sharpest loss is what advances and blots out the sky, sometimes it’s just all of it that cumulatively overwhelms. Let’s say for me I found some solace in the fact that there was going to be a Memorial Service for Pete and having been invited to participate, I was honored to do so.

The mechanism of chronic depression and mood disorder has eluded me for some 30 years now. For me it seems disappointment is a factor and there is definitely an element of disappointment in loss. The loss can be trivial… the stupid stuff like losing the car keys or the phone, to the excruciatingly painful; loss of a mate, a child, a pet. Triggered by the unmanageability, the unexpectedness and the uncertainty that loss portends, for me sometimes what is seemingly insignificant is symbolic of a wound that runs much deeper. Seems the (obvious) way “into” depression and the workings of it I understand. I’d like to think if I could get a handle on exactly what causes these shifts in mood to occur, then I could control them somehow & avoid them in the future. It’s the way “out” of depression that myself and I’m sure millions of others seek. Some, in my opinion, choose the easy way…those who follow through with the ultimate and final act of self-destruction, leaving us behind to clean up the wreckage. By the grace of God I haven’t made that decision; though appearing appealing at times, thankfully it just doesn’t fit into my belief system.

What does this have to do with Pete? Well... news of his passing reached me at a time when things were about to shift for me (again) mood-wise. The loss was piling up, tipping the scales once more toward the darkness. Before it got too bad I made a commitment to Loraine (Pete's wife) and Jodi (his daughter) to help out at Pete’s Memorial in any way I could. As the Memorial took shape so did my latest down-cycle, and all that it entails… the irrational fears, the escapist sloth, the low motivation, the anhedonia (inability to enjoy or feel pleasure), the suicidal thoughts, etc. Those who know can identify. So when I’m feeling good and I take a risk and make a commitment, then when my mood flips I’m like, “Why in the hell did I do that?” And so it was with Pete’s Memorial, 3 months away and I’m freaking out, having nothing but misgiving, reservation, second thoughts and anxiety.

My whole summer of 2023 was tainted with depression due to disappointments, losses and unresolved grief. September 27th (the day of the Memorial) was coming up soon. Then miraculously… shift happens… again! As I began to prepare for the Memorial and resolutely began to fulfill the commitment I had made to Loraine and Jodi. As I did I realized I wasn’t doing this just for the commitment I had made, but out of my admiration, respect & love for Pete. I began to put everything I had into it, telling myself whatever this requires (setting up chairs, moving a bunch of heavy music equipment to & from, setting it up, playing, breaking it down, a eulogy…) I was going to give it 100% in spite of my depression.

Pete Skeris had really influenced my life… enriched it and I wanted to honor and celebrate that by participating in & helping put together his Memorial and giving it my all.

That is where and when the shift occurred. It’s sort of a cliche that by helping someone else one can “get out of themselves” or you can “get out of your own head” by helping another. In this instance, the opportunity it presented was truly a gift of providence, for I was able to alter my mood by giving myself over to help someone else. I did this doubtfully, begrudgingly at first and without the knowledge that it would affect me the way it did. I did not expect to enjoy myself, but now here I was doing just that… receiving the gifts… of giving.

What a profound and truly meaningful experience for me.

Pete Skeris touched so many lives with his music including mine of course. It was a wonderful night. It wasn’t a packed house or anything but it was great to meet Loraine Barbeaux, Jodi Dennithorne & her Husband & Pete’s first Wife Laurie Reed. It was with Laurie that Pete played in his first Country band. I got to meet & jam with some of Pete’s musician friends and even got to play his signature blue Rickenbacker bass, the one he’d used for all the gigs I played with him as a his drummer!

So for me the moral of the story and lesson learned is:
“One way I can change my mood when I’m feeling depressed is to help someone else. God, give me the strength to follow through.”

Thanks for the (wisdom) & the memories Pete!!

MJZ 12/31/2023

Blue Live Blue Live Recent abstract expressionist work by Michael J. Zwicky Artist. Influenced by graffiti, urban pulse, jungian archetypes, mythology and chaos theory. The object expands beyond the bonds of its appearance by our knowledge that the thing is more than its exterior presents to our eyes (artist