Riverbend Divorce Support Group

This is your reminder for our divorce support group meeting tomorrow, Wednesday, at 6:30 p.m. It will be a virtual meeting by invitation only. If you wish to attend, send me a request, and I will send you an invitation by email. I will also send invitations to all who previously expressed an interest, so there is no need to request again. Please let me know if you are interested and did not receive an invitation. Also, note that the meetings will be in Google Meet, and invitations will be from my Google email address ([email protected]) and not my Yahoo email.

A big part of our recovery from divorce involves disconnecting from our former partner. It is not just the romantic part that we are separating from, but also the whole spectrum of emotions involved in the divorce. We may be feeling angry at our ex or we may relive conversations we had. We might also get caught up in “what if” questions about our past relationship. I found an article from a group of psychologists that discusses these issues. They call the process “uncoupling after divorce”. Some excerpts are below and a link to the full article is at the bottom of the page.

“What Is Emotional Uncoupling After Divorce?
Emotional uncoupling is the process of letting go of the emotional, psychological, and energetic ties that connect you to your ex-spouse. Even after the paperwork is signed, you may still find yourself emotionally entangled, through memories, routines, or unresolved feelings.

Uncoupling is about creating emotional independence, rediscovering your identity, and learning how to move forward after divorce.

Why Uncoupling Matters

Without emotional detachment, you may:

Stay stuck in resentment or longing
Struggle to co-parent effectively
Feel unable to start new relationships
Replay past conversations or arguments
Lose sight of your personal growth
Letting go isn’t forgetting — it’s reclaiming your peace.

Steps to Emotionally Uncouple After Divorce
1. Set Boundaries

Even if you're co-parenting or in regular communication, emotional boundaries are key. Limit non-essential contact and establish healthy routines that don’t revolve around your ex.

2. Detach from the “What-Ifs”

Let go of fantasies about what could have been. Focus on the reality of now and the possibilities ahead.

3. Seek Therapy or Coaching

Working with a therapist can help you process grief, anger, guilt, or fear in a safe and constructive way.
4. Rediscover Yourself

Take time to explore hobbies, interests, and goals that may have been lost during the marriage. Reconnect with who you are, not just who you were in the relationship.

5. Shift from Couple to Co-Parents (If Applicable)

If you share children, emotional uncoupling is even more vital. A neutral, respectful co-parenting relationship benefits everyone — especially your kids.

Uncoupling After Divorce — Fong Kotylak Calgary play therapy: children's emotional and behavioral support.

This is your reminder for our divorce support group meeting tomorrow, Wednesday, at 6:30 p.m. It will be a virtual meeting by invitation only. If you wish to attend, send me a request, and I will send you an invitation by email. I will also send invitations to all who previously expressed an interest, so there is no need to request again. Please let me know if you are interested and did not receive an invitation. Also note that the meetings will be in Google Meet and invitations will be coming from my Google gmail address ([email protected]) and not my yahoo email.

I often suggest journaling to our group members as a way to access and help deal with the emotional issues that accompany divorce. In the resource list we distribute, I include a reference to Dr. James Pennebaker and his research on writing for health. A recent article in the Association for Psychological Science Journal (where Dr. Pennebaker is set to become president) he details the physical benefits of writing that his research has documented. In a 1988 study he had subjects write about either a traumatic personal experience or some superficial topic.

“Those who wrote about traumatic experiences ended up going to the student health center at half the rates as those wrote about superficial topics,” he said. His team also found that by writing about their experiences, individuals saw improved immune function. They were able to measure this with objective markers of physical health, such as by monitoring the blastogenic response of T-lymphocytes—a common technique used to measure an individual’s immune response to toxic or foreign substances in the body.

“This was a break from much of the research in social and clinical psychology, which had relied almost exclusively on questionnaires,” he said.

Pennebaker said he was fascinated by the multiple benefits that came with articulating those experiences. The technique (described in Pennebaker, 1997) is now known as expressive writing and has been widely cited and studied by other researchers. It has also been used in practical settings, including educational and military purposes.

“It’s a powerful cognitive tool, a powerful social tool, and a powerful health tool as well,” he said.

A link to the article is below.

James Pennebaker and the Power of Physical Markers in Social Research APS’s incoming president describes the lessons and impacts of his research in social psychology.

Hello everyone,

This is your reminder for our divorce support group meeting tonight, Wednesday, at 6:30 p.m. It will be a virtual meeting by invitation only. If you wish to attend, send me a request, and I will send you an invitation by email. I will also send invitations to all who previously expressed an interest, so there is no need to request again. Please let me know if you are interested and did not receive an invitation.

Send a message to learn more