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In this unprecedented, scary world, it is extremely difficult to stay centered and calm. Limbic system brain (the part we share with the crocodiles) tells us "danger, danger" and that part of the brain looks for something that is threatening. That part of the brain operates 8 times faster than your calm, rational brain! It's about survival. When threats are everywhere, we are in a constant state of self-protection. Fear is running the show! Attacks, unbelievable lies, deceit, disrespect, dishonesty and deliberate manipulation are surrounding us and decimating our sense of safety and stability. Remember this: you leave nothing at the end of your life but the relationships you have built. Nothing. Be kind to others (but don't allow abuse!) Stop beating yourself up for your powerlessness, and focus on how to do mindfulness-type exercises--try the CALM app; listen to calming podcasts (produced by people you trust--that is most important); focus on self-care first so you have the energy to help others. Soothe and center yourself with healthy (not destructive) escapes. Destructive escapes? alcohol & drugs, shopping too much; p**n; affairs; video games endlessly; too much fluffy TV; spending all your time on social media--you name it--addictions are everywhere. They always make things worse after the "feel better" moments!

Then take the time to tell the people you love how much you love them; ask them how you can help them and ask for help yourself! Try a phone call or Facetime instead of text or email. Try to connect with your voice and face. Let them see your eyes--it truly is the window to the soul! That is what true community is about. Isolation does a number on our self esteem as well as our spirits. Cultivate connection--get professional help to do that if you don't know how!

When others get defensive, that means they have been nailed! There is no reason to defend ourselves if there is no threat. So when you know someone is being dishonest, deceitful, lying, manipulating--see how they respond to someone giving them feedback. If they immediately get defensive or defend themselves even more, it means there is at least a thread of truth in what they are being accused of and their alligator brain is protecting them from facing the truth! That's the "lie tell" you need to look for! When you confront, be calm and direct; if you angrily attack you invite the other person's alligator brain to fight back! Understand that fear runs the show when people are defensive! When people are defensive, they are incapable of listening to understand. Rational thought and connection resides in the frontal lobe--behind the forehead. Alligator brain is at the base of the neck! If people begin to escalate, stop, take a break and say "let's try again when we both are calm" and walk away. Don't keep pushing--it will not work!

I hope that anyone reading this can be encouraged to work only on controlling your own self, not others. It's hard enough to control ourselves, much less others. But control of others is what's going on when people in power crush others and don't care about the consequences to others. Take care of yourself; then help those you love. With care and concern, Dr. Pam

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The latest news for you You don't want to miss this. HOLIDAYS AND FAMILIES: BLESSINGS OR BURDENS? It's that time of year again. We all want that ideal, wonderful time with the people we love. What to do if we don't like some

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Vaccinations & Screen Time More helpful resources Hello all I hope that each of you are well, and that you are trying to recover from the traumatic events of the last year and a half. This newsletter has vital information about

Families are experiencing the stresses of enforced togetherness, isolation from others, financial stress, total disruption of routines, and fear of the unknowns of a pandemic. Our anxieties and fears often show up as anger directed at those around us. Couples' relationships are being strained at an increasing rate. Here is a really good article from The Times to help you with ideas of how to reduce relational stress:

Can Your Relationship Survive the Pandemic? Married couples therapists on living and working in the same space