Lessons for a Lifetime

I Don’t Care for Cheat Days

This is my opinion. I didn’t read this anywhere and I don’t have any scientific advice to back this up but when creating a new habit or routine, I don’t like cheat days. It seems to me when we’re trying to acquire a new behavior through repetition and have that transferred down to the automatic part of the brain breaking the chain or repetition is a hindrance.

I’ve had this happen to many times. I’m trying to create a new habit or routine (I define routine as a chain of habits) I miss a day. It’s easy to miss a day because life is unpredictable and you may have missed your goal as a reason but missing two consecutive days shows and unraveling of the chain. Miss two days isn’t a crack it’s a shattered windshield.

I’ve had health kicks. I was working on losing weight and was successful with it. I was eating salads every day for lunch and dinner with either a baked chicken breast or a couple links of chicken sausage and a healthy dressing. This worked great for me. For my body I lose more weight through diet than I do through exercise. But then I started to miss a day or let myself have a cheat day and eat something like ice cream. This was actually counter productive in two ways. It weakened the strength of my habit chain. Also, eating the outcome neutralized what I was trying to do with the habit.

Rewards are a good thing for building a habit. But they can’t be counterproductive. If you’re trying to lose weight, you can’t reward with yourself with donuts.

Another healthy goal of mine was to exercise every day. I know I don’t like going to the gym and I didn’t want to pay the member fee. I worked on the 21st floor of the office building I was working in. I started to climb the stairs three times a day. I also started missing days with this habit. Then I started missing consecutive days. When I was missing consecutive days, my new habit was demolished.

Also, if you miss on related tasks that may not be in the same routine, they can have an adverse effect on each other. When I started missing my walks up the steps in my building is when I started missing eating my rabbit food salads.

If you have to miss a day, try to make a preemptive strike. I learned this from a friend Julie. When she had a date or was going to a happy hour. She decided how many drinks she was going to have, calculated the calories and made sure to work off the calories before going out. Another example would be if you’re trying to keep you home more organized and cleaner and you do cleaning in a routine on a given day(s), try to preemptively do your cleaning before whatever exertion is going to make you miss your cleaning routine.
Like I said, I have no concrete evidence this is the way to go about things but this is what I learned through trial and error. Try it both ways. I’ve met people I’m not sure could build a new habit without a cheat day, but they are in the minority.

Don’t Talk with your Head Full

I’m human and like most I get caught up in the moment and say things I don’t always mean. That’s why I’m suggesting starting to write before you talk. You can write a letter the ole fashion way or send one of these new-fangled e-mail thingy-ma-bobs. But you don’t have to. I’m not suggesting you only communicate heated subjects via letter. Writing takes thought and it also takes time. It gives you a chance to really think and collect your thoughts so you say what you really want to say.

Think about getting angry. Not only does your face turn red your face gets so hot you can feel it. You’re grinding your teeth and feel the air turn cool as it hits the sweat starting to erupt out of your skin. You can feel your heart starting to thump in your chest. Every tiny little detail of the situation becomes an irritating annoyance. Basically, your body is preparing for battle. That being the case, is what’s about to come out of your mouth really what you want to say given that fact?

Or the green monster, jealousy. Let’s take a look. A pit forms in your stomach. Not butterflies but the feeling of loss you fear is coming. Your chest flushes, your mouth goes dry. The tides turn between self-confidence and self-doubt. Frequently some instinct kicks in to put down your friend or colleague. Is this really the time to speak your mind?

Again, I’m not suggesting you have to write a letter. You can write yourself a journal entry and clarify your thoughts before you talk about what’s troubling you. And I do mean write. Don’t just rehearse what you want say in the mirror. That’s actually still what’s on the top of your head, you’re just trying to pump up your confidence to say it. Actually, writing it out takes a lot of thought and you’ll find your thoughts clarify a lot through writing. By the way, texting doesn’t count. That is still saying the first thing off the top of your head.

This is also great in more than conflict situations. Think of job interviews. There are some questions you just know you’re going to be asked. Such as why are you leaving your current job? Why do you want to come work for us? And my favorite, tell us about a weakness you have. Writing will really make you think. Writing is an excellent way of preparing anytime you have to speak.