The Devoted Daughter

My mom loved holidays.
Loved them.

Valentine’s Day especially.

We had waited three months for an appointment with a specialist.
It felt like her last ray of hope.

We pulled into the parking lot on Valentine’s Day.

I had the wrong address.

The office had moved months earlier.
The website wasn’t updated.
They told us we had missed the appointment window.
We’d have to wait another three months.

She died a couple of weeks later.

Even now, my chest tightens writing this.

How could I have made that mistake?
How did I let her down?

Caregivers carry guilt for things that were never fully in their control.

We replay moments.
We question decisions.
We whisper “if only” into the dark.

But sometimes it wasn’t about effort.
Sometimes it wasn’t about love.
Sometimes it was about a system, timing, and a disease that didn’t wait.

If you’re holding a moment like that —
one that still stings years later —
You are not alone.

We did the best we could with what we knew at the time.

🤍