WeCirque Academy

My career is over, I’ll never be able to compete again, all my flexibility is gone overnight..

I was doing my usual warm up routine by the stall bars as other athletes started to arrive to the gym. I never had to think too hard about my warmup, my body just needed some movement to start bending. Except this time, something was terribly off and I didn’t know what it was. Non of my backbends would go as deep as usual, no matter how hard I tried.

I lost it, it’s gone! My back felt like a wooden board. I quickly looked around hoping that no one else noticed that the most flexible girl in the class is no longer an intimidating competitor but an average “wanna be”.

I was born with a split, my natural backbend was so impressive that even an Olympic Champion .maksimova__official once complimented on it. All of my highest scored skills were based on my flexibility, being flexible was a part of my identity, something that was always there and what I was known for.

I circled around the gym, trying to stay out of everyone’s sight as I made my way to my coach.

- Remind me once again, how would someone warm up their back to start bending?
- You can start with some body waves.

“Body waves?!” - I’m not a 4 year old, I’m 15 and this is humiliating and embarrassing to feel like everything I’ve worked on for the last eleven years is gone overnight!

The thought of never being able to compete at hight level again started to crawl into my mind. What are the girls going to say when they realize that I’m no longer invincible? Are they going to tease and laugh at my loss? Is my coach going to shame me? Am I going to get kicked out of the team and miss traveling to competition? I’m not getting my national title, forget about my university scholarship and my dream or becoming a traveling artist…?

It has been almost 20 years since the day when I thought I’ve lost it all. One part of my old self is gone for real, the one that took my body for granted and refused to face the challenge, but the other part was born - the one that fought to gain it all back by opening up to the new learning and freeing myself of self-judging 💖

Wanna know my redemption journey? Comment below ⬇️