Connect The Dogs

Sometimes I sit around and noodle about the way we’ve lived with Maeby these past few years, reflecting on what it is about our day-to-day routines and rituals that make sharing our lives with her so (relatively) easy. The thing I often come back to is the strength of our two-way communication.

From the day we brought her home, we’ve prioritized predictability, choice, and clarity. One of the key ways we did this was to attach “predictor” cues to regular events and experiences, and to carefully observe her reactions and preferences.

Before every walk I say “let’s go for a walk” while picking up her harness; on my way to get her a fish skin from the cabinet I tell her I’m getting her a “choo-choo”; when she brings me a toy I say “tug!” before I try to grab it. I’m intentional yet casual in my applications— there’s no formal training sessions, no contrived setups. I just name and narrate the daily flow of our life together, helping her make associations between stimuli over time.

The beautiful thing about this two-way communication is that our “predictor” cues naturally become questions we ask our dogs. If I say “let’s go for a walk” and Maeby doesn’t perk up and trot over to put on her harness, we don’t go. If she brings me a toy but moves away when I say “tug”, I ask her if she wants to be chased instead.

Of course dogs don’t naturally come to us understanding any spoken language. But by thoughtfully pairing words and phrases with consistent outcomes, we give our dogs valuable information about what’s happening to and around them so they can be active participants in their lives instead of passengers along for the ride ✨

In the dog training world, there’s a long history of pseudo-professionals preaching about the importance of “respect”. They’ll insist that behavior challenges are a result of dogs not “respecting” their guardians, and when asked to elaborate on what that means, they reliably rattle off a list of arbitrary rules and boundaries that must be enforced using punishment in order to gain “respect” from your dog.

It’s bu****it. Dogs are not capable of respect.

What dogs *are* capable of is learning whether or not people are safe. Whether or not using certain behaviors in the presence of a person leads to unpleasant outcomes. Whether or not outcomes for using those behaviors are even predictable at all. Whether or not they can trust someone.

I am wholly uninterested in gaining respect from a dog (or a person!) when respect is just a codeword for compliance.

I want dogs to trust me. I want dogs to feel safe around me. I want dogs to be their fullest, most genuine selves in my presence because they have no fear of being punished for doing so.

I’ll take trust over compliance, trust over respect, trust over results. Always.

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