Kendra Capalbo, LICSW

One thing I don’t think gets said clearly enough is how important chemistry is in therapy. And this matters even more when it comes to couples work.

In individual therapy, it’s about whether you feel comfortable, understood, and able to be honest. In couples therapy, both partners need to feel that way. If one person feels aligned with the therapist and the other feels misunderstood or like the therapist is consistently taking one partner’s side over the other’s, the work can stall pretty quickly.

Couples therapy asks both people to take risks, hear things that are hard, and stay engaged even when emotions run high. That only works when both partners feel like the therapist gets them, can hold the dynamic fairly, and isn’t favoring one person in the room. If either partner is holding back or bracing themselves in session, it’s going to show up in the process.

Good chemistry in couples therapy doesn’t mean everyone feels comfortable all the time. It means both partners trust the therapist and the process. When that fit is there, couples are more open, more honest, and more willing to stay in the hard conversations long enough for real change to happen.