Healing Matters Psychotherapy

To those who identify as ‘people pleasers,’ the desire to help and please others is not the problem, it’s abandoning self to do so that is. And self abandonment is not the same as being inconvenienced. It’s ok and a part of healthy relationships to be occasionally inconvenienced to help or please others. So what is self abandonment? Some examples are:
- Behaving in ways that are incongruent with your values.
- Giving more time, energy, money, etc..than you actually have to comfortably give, leaving little if anything for yourself.
- Saying yes when your body is screaming no.
- Prioritizing someone else’s pleasure over your sense of safety.
- Trying to be who you think others want you to be vs who you actually are.

The roots of self abandonment are complex. Often develops as an adaptive survival mechanism necessary for safety in relationship with caregivers.