The Restless Spirit- Nomadic Chronicles

I was adopted but by a rough family, and there is a legacy of dysfunction that follows them. I distanced myself as much as possible, often using education to distinguish myself from them.

My absent father was often physically and emotionally abusive, and spent more time chasing women than he did paying attention to me. When I was young, I didn’t know how to hold a grudge and he was my dad and I was fiercely protective of him.

But as I grew older, I began to look at life differently and at 30 years old I had to accept that this was not a family that I identified with in the slightest. I made lots of strides to ensure that I did not follow in their footsteps.

The last time I saw my dad, he was a crack user living in a scary motel that was frequented by prostitutes. He was so far gone that I left an absolute dismay. He refused any treatment. When I went through my last international divorce, I completely severed ties with my dad because there was just no way I could cope with that emotional drain, transition back to the US, and deal with him.

But that decision always haunted me and it defined me as a person who is fiercely protective of my own values, sanity, and well-being. I realize I will do anything within reason to protect myself and use legal means when necessary. This often includes severing ties with people who I never wanted to lose.

I got a weird call from my mom years ago telling me something about my dad passing away. She offered no clarity, and there was no way for me to confirm this. I just assumed it was true because of the drug use; he had been in bad shape for a long time.

But this past January, I got a phone call from the hospital telling me that my father was in a critical state and asked me to intervenene. I was in shock and I stepped in, systematically cleaning up the mess that my family often leaves me. They are the reason I did not want children. I knew I did not have the energy after all they took throughout my life.

But now that I am here and seeing my frail dad for the first time in over 10 years, as I am a middle-aged parent to a stepson and a goddaughter, I am oddly grateful. I’m glad that there may be an ending to the story that I will help shape. I’m happy to know he didn’t die alone on the streets or in suffering. It is a gift for me to have this closure; and it is purely for me, not so much him.

I married someone completely opposite of him. I wish I could tell all the people who suffered under their parents, “don’t give in. If they dont give a damn, then you must.”

This summer I had to do a mostly business trip that we tried to make into a family vacation. It was one of the most stressful travels I have done; being full of titanium was a true challenge.

I took my aunt’s ashes to several states, and finally reunited them to be with other family’s ashes to rest in Barnegate Light, NJ.

I got to reunite several times with my best friend in Knoxville, TN. Asheville, NC’s Blue Ridge mountains are gorgeous but full of ticks and hippies. It was my third and last trip to the Biltmore. I tried to conquer my fear of water made it into the Gulf of Mexico, a lake in TN, and a river in VA very briefly.

We went to the horse races in Louisville, KY. We drove through amazing hills and a lot of the Appalachian mountains. I think I found our next move after Texas, KY called me to it. It made no sense, but there I fell in love with it wholly.

My fur boys loved exploring hotels and jumping on the beds. There was a lot of sweating except for the best weather I’ve experienced, oddly in West Pennsylvania! Philly was not stellar but the pretzels yummy.

I had to complete an eviction in NJ for my great grandparents’ house, where I reconciled that I may lose the property. I got to see a cousin in FL. Then I met more cousins in Ohio for the first time ever!

I got the cops called on me twice trying to manage my family’s affairs because people don’t want to follow the rules. Luckily I prevailed. Then my husband got to meet my adoptive mom to learn why I am who I am.

He watched me cleaning up messes that aren’t mine, always falling on my shoulders. It was the first time in my 41 years, someone stood up for me and said enough to her! I wish someone had done that a long time ago. He is my hero and my best friend.

I also got to experience some sobering tests, asking whether I was willing to compromise who I am. Never. I’m back home to finish our move, yuck. Cram studying for my PhD 16-hour exam with my god daughter sleeping next to me. To all the restless spirits, go forth and live.

ANNOUNCING: Looking for mentors for the BLM movement, fundraisers, and people looking to run for political positions on local levels

As some of you know, I worked in politics and have an academic background and it offers good insight. I also do work in Africa and aside from a few beautiful souls, I get little help or interest etc. We buried a baby girl a month ago and it was preventable, malaria (much worse than Covid stats).

The risk is tremendous: My crew was kidnapped by a military man and held for ransom, I've been sick from dirty water (almost died once), we're fighting death, illness, corruption, theft and now I am trying to raise three orphans. But I'm burning out and I've spent thousands of our own funds helping black lives. Needless to say, I put my time in and I think I’ve earned the right to speak.

The other night I had a really intense conversation about the BLM movement and I turned to a friend I adore so much for some guidance. I'm sitting back studying the situation trying to figure out a solution, because the current trend isn't working. It is dividing us more and the damn media wont report honestly, keeping that rift wide.

So I feel until society sees people behind BLM doing constructive action, the movement will be derailed. The plight will be silenced if we have people stuck on the carousel of rage who aren't really interested in progress, just complaining or acting out (like burning cities down). This statement doesn't mean the anger isn't justified, but it needs to be redirected constructively.

My adopted grandma was/is a holocaust refugee and she was removed from her family and home, culture, and she found refuge in foreign countries while hiding her religion... all because of hate. That displacement is very real in my psyche. Racism has always been here and it's never going away. This shouldn’t be, but we have to keep going like humans have been doing since Biblical times.

If we think Biden or other politicians are they answer, I'm afraid we will be disappointed, wasting more time and created more alienation. We had Obama as president for 8 years and what was done?

Harris is from San Fran area CA, and this state has social issues so deep, I'm not sure why she is in office. Living there sucked, I've seen people doing drugs in public as well as walked over homeless people on the sidewalk.
They have human f***s patrol for the sidewalks of San Fran, visit and see for yourself. (My dad is homeless and it hurts to see)

So this leaves me to think harder. I feel the most meaningful way I can help the problem is to offer what I've learned in the field during the course in my life. I also want to learn and I want to say, I tried. It just took me awhile to speak up because, damn they don't make it easy.

We must have BLACK lives helping BLACK lives (like MLK) or it isn't going to work. This doesn't mean that other races can't be helping the movement. This also means those who sit out “aren't sympathetic” (can't force stressful agendas on people). If you sit out, don't let someone shame you.

Anyways, we can discuss how to build community level efforts using all types of people, but especially black lives to: mentor, teach, support young vulnerable lives. Topics like teen pregnancy, STD health, self confidence, life skills, spirituality, academic tutoring are all areas to tackle.

I also want to learn what is needed, because I am not black. But I’m going to get pi**ed if someone says “I’m basically white” again. The gears need to switch and bad practices need to stop on all sides. The reality is the microscope is going to come down more on BLM. It isn't fair but we are looking to keep going right, not spinning in circles.

Don't pull a fake race card because it diminishes real cases. Shut people down promoting hate and violence (burning cities will get lots of enemies, period). Also, if someone says they don't like “A,” it's doesn't mean they're “B.”

I'm putting a lot of people on the spot, especially the ones of all colors raging on social media just making noise. Now it's time to put your money where your mouth is. This is an offer that doesn't come around often. It really only costs time.

If this offends you, I understand but I don't have time to discuss because I'm a focused person who acts. I also know African black lives are not the same as American black lives, but black suffering comes in lots of shapes and one group doesn’t exclusivity over another.

So I'll be here for people to reach out to me via messenger and we can sit and do Zoom calls. Send me ideas or feedback. But know I’m only engaging with doers.