Andrea Dindinger

Feeling the distance in your empty nest?

If you haven’t been nourishing the marriage all along, this stage can feel really lonely.

But here’s the opportunity: you get to revert back to those early days before you had kids.

Empty nest gives you back the flexibility you had at the beginning. It’s a chance to re-find each other, to reconnect in a way you haven’t in 18-plus years.

Drop REVIEW in the comments, and I’ll send you my free Relationship Review guide with the exact questions to help you reset, reconnect, and strengthen your partnership this year. It’s a great restarting point!

Feeling the stress? Your kids probably do, too. Instead of trying to clamp it down (which doesn’t really work anyway!), try a different approach. Name it. Talk about it. You could even try making it silly!

What we do can shift everything for you, your spouse, and the next generation.

Having the same arguments on repeat with your spouse? It might be patterns from the past sneaking up on you. The good news is, you can break the loop. Comment LOOP and I’ll send you my guide!

Ready to change behavior that’s coming off hurtful to your partner or to anyone else? Here’s my take as a therapist of 20+ years:

First: Take accountability. Acknowledge what you did and how hurtful it was. If you can honestly own your behavior and be open to hearing the pain it caused, you’re three-quarters of the way there.

Second: Don’t get defensive. Don’t blame the other person. Don’t explain it away. This might be even more important than accountability.

Third: Be willing to have your partner bring this up again and again without getting defensive. That’s their way of processing their hurt.

Fourth: Say what you’ll do differently next time. “Next time I’m at a bar, I’m ordering seltzer.” “Next time I attack you for loading the dishwasher wrong, I’m gonna say ‘the dishwasher’s gonna get the dishes clean however.’”

Every week I write about ways we can break hurtful patterns and create the kind of love we want to pass on to th next generation. Follow along here and on Substack: Love Forward. (Link in bio or drop NEWSLETTER in the comments and I’ll send it to you.)

Those little annoyances you experience with your spouse are like sand in your shoe: Ignore it and it becomes a blister. Keep ignoring it, and that blister gets infected. Eventually, you don’t want anything to do with the sand, the shoe, or your marriage.

The small stuff matters. Don’t let it fester.

Need some help with getting the right message across? Comment EXPERIMENT, and I’ll send you my free Relationship Reset email series to give you daily nudges that will make a big difference in how you and your spouse relate.

In her new book I’ll Have What She’s Having, writes: “I dated someone on and off for almost 2 years whom I didn’t trust, who lied and cheated, but whom I kept going back to by believing I could change him and the relationship.”

Chelsea’s not alone. I’ve done it. I’m sure you’ve done it.

Here’s the thing: when somebody shows you who they are, it’s imperative that you believe them. If they attack you for loading the dishwasher wrong, if they defend why they cheated…that’s who they are. And they’re not going to change.

The number one sign someone is willing to change? Accountability and being non-defensive. They acknowledge what they did. They apologize with their whole heart. They tell you how they’re going to change. But if you bring it up again and they get defensive? They haven’t taken ownership, and they’ll probably do it again.

Follow me for more tips and tools to break the patterns you inherited and build the love you want to pass down.