Profound Way Coaching

One of the biggest misconceptions about forgiveness is that it asks you to excuse what happened.

It doesn't.

Many people avoid forgiveness because they believe it means pretending the hurt wasn't real, welcoming someone back into their life, or forgetting the damage that was done. Sandy's experience tells a different story.

"Let me be clear: I don't forgive his infidelity. Not all actions, behaviors, or choices deserve forgiveness. But all people can."

That's an important distinction.

Forgiveness isn't a verdict that someone's actions were acceptable. It doesn't erase consequences or require reconciliation. It can simply be the quiet decision to stop carrying someone else's choices inside your own heart.

Sandy's full reflection explores how that understanding emerged through years of practice rather than a single moment of insight.

If you'd like to continue the conversation, you'll find more of her writing here:
https://profoundwaycoaching.substack.com/about

I love the literature of 12-step programs of recovery.

One entire step is making a decision. Another is getting ready to move forward.

Just like with recovery from alcohol addiction, many of the healthy things we do for ourselves begin with a decision.

When you finally get sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, you'll decide to no longer allow the past to control your future.

The decision isn't about forgiving someone.

It's about being ready to turn the page and start the next chapter of your life.

Check out this free ebook for how to actually do the work: https://bit.ly/ReleaseTheHurt

Healing rarely announces itself.

More often, it slips into everyday life so quietly that you almost miss it.

One day you realize you haven't replayed the conversation in your head. You hear someone's name without your stomach tightening. You notice that your future occupies more of your attention than your past.

That's the kind of change Sandy experienced.

"As the years went by, I thought about Butt-head less and less. He was no longer living in my brain, or heart, rent-free."

Freedom doesn't always arrive because the past changes.

Sometimes it arrives because the past no longer decides how much space it gets in your life today.

Sandy's story isn't about moving on quickly. It's about the slow, almost invisible ways a steady practice can restore peace over time.

If you'd like to spend more time with her writing, you'll find it here:
https://profoundwaycoaching.substack.com/about

Some behaviors become so common that we mistake them for normal.

❌ Keeping score.
❌ Shutting down.
❌ Saying someone "always" or "never" does something.
❌ Making attacks about the person instead of addressing a specific behavior.
❌ Constant criticism.
❌ Using sarcasm to express unspoken anger.

These patterns often develop as ways of protecting ourselves from feelings we don't want to face, such as shame, guilt, or fear.

The problem is that the longer they become part of our everyday interactions, the more they distance us from the connection we're hoping for.

They don't have to become your normal.

✨Click the link below for my free guide to releasing resentment.
https://bit.ly/ReleaseTheHurt

We often think resentment belongs to the past or to one particular relationship.

But resentment has a way of shaping what comes next. It can quietly make trusting other people more difficult, and it may even leave you questioning your own judgment.

The longer we carry it, the more influence it has over the life we're trying to build today.

If you're ready to let it go, download my free ebook on releasing resentment here: https://bit.ly/ReleaseTheHurt

Some losses don't end when the relationship ends.

They follow you into quiet mornings, ordinary errands, and moments when you think you're finally moving on. You may not even realize you're carrying them until one day the weight feels just a little lighter.

Sandy didn't begin her meditation practice because she wanted to forgive.

She began because she wanted to stop hurting.

"I never set out to forgive him. I was doing Lovingkindness Meditation for myself. The unexpected consequence was that I forgave my ex along the way."

That distinction matters.

Sometimes healing begins the moment we stop trying to fix the past and start caring for the person who's still living with it. Forgiveness doesn't always arrive as a decision. Sometimes it quietly appears after we've spent enough time tending to our own wounded heart.

If this reflection speaks to where you are today, Sandy shares more about her mindfulness practice and writing here:
https://bit.ly/i-wasnt-trying-to-forgive

One sentence completely changed how I think about forgiveness:

"You can take things seriously without taking them personally."
— James Clear

Read that again.

You shouldn't have to carry someone else's choices as proof of your worth.

Someone can hurt you.
Betray you.
Disappoint you.

And you can still refuse to let that experience define who you are or how you live.

That's what forgiveness makes possible.
Not pretending it didn't matter.
Not excusing what happened.

Simply refusing to let one painful chapter keep writing the rest of your story.

That's freedom.

Have you ever found yourself taking someone else's actions personally, even when you knew better?

You shouldn't have to spend years carrying something someone else did.
You shouldn't have to replay the same conversation every time their name comes up
You shouldn't have to choose between protecting your peace and protecting your boundaries.

The good news?

You don't have to
You can remember what happened without reliving it.
You can believe what they did was wrong without carrying it every day.
You can keep strong boundaries without staying trapped in anger.
You can move through your day without old memories hijacking your mood.

That's what forgiveness actually gives you.

Not permission.
Not forgetting.
Not pretending it didn't hurt.

Freedom from letting the past keep deciding how you feel today.

That's the difference.

If you're ready to stop carrying what no longer belongs to you, comment or DM "FORGIVE"

One of the biggest reasons people don't work on resentment is...

"I don't have time."

But think about how much time resentment already takes.

Replaying conversations in the shower.
Imagining what you should've said.
Thinking about them while you're driving.
Lying awake at night rewriting the past.
Getting distracted during work because something reminded you of them.

It adds up.

You shouldn't have to spend hours every week mentally living in a chapter of your life that's already over.

And you won't have to once your mind stops treating old hurts like unfinished business.

Growing up around alcoholism, I saw how addiction quietly consumed people's time.

Not just the drinking itself.
Everything around it.
Missed moments.
Lost evenings.
Relationships pushed aside.
Resentment does something similar.

It's quieter.

But it still steals your attention, your energy, and your presence.

The Stillpoint Forgiveness Practice takes about 15 to 20 minutes a day.

For most people, that's less time than they're already spending replaying what happened.

Imagine getting that time... and your peace... back.

Comment or DM **CHAKRA** if you'd like to learn more.

Waiting until you feel "ready" is one of the easiest ways to stay stuck.

Most people tell themselves they'll deal with old hurts later.

When work settles down.
When life gets less busy.
When they're stronger.
When it hurts less.

The problem is... later keeps moving.

I learned that years ago while Michael and I were trying to choose a wedding date.

Every date seemed to conflict with something.

A birthday.
An anniversary.
A family event.

If we'd waited for the perfect day, we probably still wouldn't be married.
Healing works the same way.
There isn't a perfect time to begin.

You shouldn't have to spend another year letting old pain decide how you react, who you trust, or how much peace you feel.

And you won't have to once you decide to start doing the work instead of waiting for the perfect moment.

A year from now, you'll still be a year older.

The question is...
Will you still be carrying the same resentment?

Comment or DM "CHAKRA" if you're ready to begin letting it go.