HM Creative Endeavors

Well, tomorrow is the big day and I’m not gonna lie, I am scared.

I am facing an ALIF (L3-S1) PSIF (L3-S1) fusion and laminectomy. The procedure will take place over 2 days and I am expected to stay 3 days in the hospital.

I have lived with lower back pain for the last 20 years. That’s when I had a left-side Mastectomy/Tram Flap reconstruction to save my life from Paget’s disease (a very rare breast cancer). While it was a HUGE surgery (14 hours) and it took me 8 weeks just to stand up straight, I knew that once I got through the recovery I was going to be ok. With this procedure tomorrow, I am not at all sure that there is a complete recovery in my future. With this surgery there are so many stories of failure and becoming more disabled than you were going into it. It has been VERY difficult to get mentally prepared. I have such ups and downs, one minute I am hopeful and feeling positive and the next minute I am questioning all my choices. I too, have felt like maybe I am not in “enough” pain to risk this surgery. Some days Percocet can make you forget the depth of the pain without it. I have been taking it for months as my pain began to intensify over the last 6 months.

I understand that the stenosis, arthritis and degenerative disc disease will not get better, eventually I could face a wheelchair and Depends, that terrifies me more than this surgery. That’s my tipping point.

I am very weepy today, tears come easily and intensely and while I am still resolute, it’s a tough day.

I have a lot going for me. I am no stranger to big surgeries and besides the Tram Flap reconstruction, I broke my arm and needed hardware to repair,I have had 2 c-sections, had my appendix removed, had internal hemorrhoid surgery and rotator cuff repair. Most of these required a long recovery and a lot of pain. I know what to expect and have always healed well in the past. But, now I am 65 and I am not so sure about recovery. All of my labs came back “good to go” and I am not dealing with other possible complications. I am probably 30 pounds heavier than is ideal and I am determined to drop that extra weight after a full recovery. I hope to avoid any additional stress and strain on the other vertebrae going forward. I will care for myself afterwards with an excellent diet full of fruit and vegetables, protein shakes, nuts and seeds, yogurt and eggs.

A few good things, I have a great ortho spine surgeon (with excellent reviews) who I trust completely. The hospital is really nice and the Spine Center has great reviews.

I was also reminded that Medicare might change and now would be a good time to get it done. Which leaves me with this, there are no guarantees ever and examining the pros and cons can be helpful in making decisions. I am about to be “dependent on the kindness of strangers” and I would really appreciate your thoughts and prayers, I believe in the power of both.
❤️