Jess Be

In the span of 10 months, my family has lost 4 generations of life.

My older brother passed away at 33…less than 5 months later,

My mom passes away at 62…less than 3 months later,

We lose our spark of light, an unborn baby…and less than 3 months after that,

My grandma passes away at 101…

The grief, isolation, anger, confusion and the utter feeling of drowning and suffocation I’ve felt these past 10 months is indescribable and quite unbearable, to say the least. Just when a little bit of time elapses and I start finding my breath again, something else slams me into the ground and relentlessly stands on my chest as I fall deeper into the abyss.

I’ve not known how to act or be “normal” in life these past 10 months, how to continue relationships with friends or other family members,  how to carry on regular conversations without wanting to scream at the pace of life quickly moving  forward whilst I’m stuck and completely paralyzed in my feelings and pain. But, I have been meditating and sitting in it all, doing my best to give myself grace, compassion, patience, stillness and to just feel every emotion that ebbs and flows through me with as much ferocity as my body will allow.

Just as the caterpillar builds it’s cocoon in preparation for better and brighter days ahead, I’ve been allowing all of my intense emotions to flood around me, building barriers but also building space around me to "just be" and experience it all. I feel I am slowly breaking out of the cocoon, ready to fly free of the most tragic and tumultuous 10 months of my life, knowing my wings are full of vigor, of everything that makes me, me: love, grief, pain, anger, loneliness, ferocity, strength, resilience, passion, optimism, hope…
I‘ve learned so much about myself these past 10 months, most importantly, to slow down, breathe deeply and to take it all in, the smell of the morning dew on the grass, the crisp evening breeze on my face and neck, the sweet sound of Milo's voice whispering, "I love you.",the mad gratitude I feel when Ian makes me the best cup of coffee every morning...
Building my cocoon was rough and tainted but my wings—so light now, aware and free, are finally ready to soar.

To my sweet boy on his 3rd birthday...
Your infectious smile and sweet laugh show me the world and all of the possibilities of beauty and goodness.
Your thoughtfulness, care and empathy fill my mama heart and soul with so much warmth and stillness.
Your cuddles and kisses ground me and remind me that everything is going to be okay.
Your sparkling curious eyes and wild imagination light up my days and remind me what truly matters.
You are absolute magic my dear, keep on shining. ✨️
Love you forever, like you for always ❤️❤️❤️
We hope you enjoy popping your 100 balloons. 🎈

Mama,

I'm absolutely numb since you left this earth. Or I pretend I am so I don't have to think about it. 62 is way too young.

You fought hard mama...I am only comforted knowing you are finally at peace. Being surrounded by the love and care of the greatest friends and family you kept near and dear to your heart, your love for me and James radiates through each and every one of them.

You taught us how to be loving, how to be thoughtful and empathize with others. You taught us to be considerate and caring and respectful. You showed us what beauty lies and can lie in this world. You taught us that we matter and we can make an impact.

You were one strong, locaqious, hilarious and sensitive mama and you have always been there for me every step of the rocky way. I owe everything good and beautiful I have in my life, to you. Without your guidance, patience, understanding and love--I wouldn't have survived. Thank you for it all mama.

I love you so fu***ng much.

I'll see you later, dancing with the angels. 💙🦋

"The live band was great and a perfect way to celebrate this show’s excellent music. This production of Murder Ballad is not to be missed!" -R.M.

"Adam Lau pulls out all the stops for a beautifully smart and pained performance... Jennifer Harmon’s vocals are consistently strong, and the chemistry between Jess Be and Jesse Seann Atkinson is palpable" E.D.

"Such a fun show! Good music and solid performances from the whole cast. Jess Be and Adam Lau captivate with their multifaceted portrayal of a married couple trying to navigate the waters of a devastating love triangle. " -H.H.

FINAL 3 SHOWS!!

✨️TODAY AT 5 PM AND 8:30 PM

SUNDAY AT 5 PM✨️

🎟Tix thru link in my bio🎟

See you there!! 🩸🩸🩸

Your support means the world to me! And us!

We open 🩸Murder Ballad 🩸in FOUR days!

🎭 Please support live theatre and my first lead role in a musical! 🎶

June 17- July 2
Saturdays at 5 pm AND 8:30 pm
Sundays at 5 pm

🎟🎟🎟Link in my bio🎟🎟🎟