Jessica Haizman

Can we stop acting like a mother's instincts are wrong?

Why have we created a culture that tells mothers to ignore every instinct they have?

To put the baby down when all they want is to hold them, to stop responding to cries, to teach independence before their baby is even out of the newborn stage.

Somehow we've been convinced that nurturing our babies is "spoiling" them.

Meanwhile, across the animal kingdom, mothers ALWAYS stay close to their young.

Babies rely on their mother's body to regulate their heartbeat, temperature, stress, and nervous system.

Human babies aren't an exception.

If your baby only wants you, it's not because you've done something wrong. It's because you are their safest place.

And that's not a bad habit. That's biology.

I thought the hardest part of having a second baby was going to be loving them as much as I love my first.

It wasn't.

That was the easiest part.

The hardest part was healing from birth while my toddler still wanted me to chase her around the yard.

It was being nap-trapped with a newborn while she asked me to come build towers, push her on the swing, or watch her do "just one more thing."

It was hearing, "Mommy, I need help!" and not being able to jump up the second she called because someone else needed me first.

It was realizing our days would never look the way they used to.

The hardest part wasn't loving two babies.

It was grieving the relationship my firstborn and I had before.

Because overnight, the dynamic shifted forever.

She was still my baby, but she had to learn to share me. And I had to learn how to love her in a new season—one where my attention, my energy, and my time were no longer hers alone.

I missed her while she was sitting right next to me.

I missed the version of us that only existed before she became a big sister.

If you're in the middle of that transition, I hope you know it's okay to grieve what was while still being deeply grateful for what is.

Those two feelings can live side by side.